Paul Prins

Life is an orchestra of strings that need to be pulled and tugged at the right moments. When you are doing it correctly the music of life flows perfectly without a hitch. The strings move back and forth, with the utmost grace and a sense of tranquility. Days flow nearly seamlessly with one another painting a picture of life that is undeniably beautiful. The orchestra of strings plays as the conductor leads, keeping an eye over all that is happening in his life, knowing when to pull which strings to only add to the painted picture.

Unlike other ensembles, the strings don’t have time to rehearse or practice. More importantly the conductor is seeing the music for the first time as it unfold in front of him. Utilizing all that he has within himself he leads the strings in subtly synchronized dance. Trying to look ahead he looses his place and the delicate balance falls from it’s tranquility into chaos. Strings are suddenly jerked as he re-locates his spot on the page until he is back into rhythm. Back into those beautifully sweet sounds.

The only question left begs to ask if he will glimpse ahead again and if you will.

Last night was a blast and really I what I thought and expected from college. A bunch of us went to the commons for dinner and then after that came back and Scott set up his TV in the lobby. We all sat around and watched Chicago (which is a really good movie if you haven’t seen it), there were about 35 of us in there. It was fun to see so many people in one spot.

After that a bunch of us filed into neds car and drove around for a while to no avail and came back (not really sure what they thought was going to happen but I was up for something). We more or less just talked and made jokes in the car then parked it when we didn’t find anything to do and went back up to the lobby.

I went and found the Lauras and we grabbed some chalk and went outside, Kohlwey got cold and went back inside after a few minutes so the other Laura (brodhun) went around with some chalk writing on stuff. Went to the rocks we were at last night to discover then were a September 11th memorial, yea didn’t draw on that. We walked around for a while longer talking and then made a sweet maze (I’m not sure if it is still there or not yet) on this giant cement slab. Before we were done Sean, drunk college guy, came along and jumped his way through the maze… was worth making the maze right there. Then we went back upstairs and watched One Hour Photo with the lauras, ned, and myself. Still a weird movie, I still hate Robin Williams after watching it.

I really had a great night. The maze is still there as of my walk back from lunch. Not sure what is up today.

Take Care and God Bless,
~Paul

Somehow you stole this smile away,
faster than the droughts of the rain,
I should have seen it coming,
nothing ever works without pain.

Hoping that this time,
the rains might stay till harvest,
my hope was misplaced in you,
why,
how,
could you.

I’ll be fine,
for you I worry,
don’t forget me.

1/30/03

I honestly don’t remember who I wrote that for, it was way back in January and I found it in my room at home before I came here so I decided to put it up. It’s a beautiful day out so I might go outside and write for a while, I’m not sure yet.

Take Care and God Bless,
~paul

Well it’s been a couple days now since I’ve moved in and the adjustment went really well. Most of us have really gotten into the groove here and are loving it. It feels like I will finally be able to prove something to myself, not that what I have done in the past wasn’t all of my making but now it just feels different. I don’t have my mom telling me I need to be reading or working on work/school. That’ll make anything that I do accomplish seem that much more meaningful to me. I’m not really sure why but I just know that it will.

Yesterday we picked up our laptops, they are insanely sweet. Brand new, twelve inch powerbooks from apple. They are sooooooo nice, I’m realy excited to have this for the next two years (first post from the laptop). I’m just starting to get it all set up how I want it to be, got the music sharing going on in itunes from my tower and hopefully we can find a way to get the shared music all over campus, also have an airport network (wifi) set up in our room that lets me be anywhere around here and be online and working. That is really nice to have.

My mind has been running a million miles an hour lately and I haven’t had a chance to come up with any really deep thoughts or things to ponder and write about. Give me time though and I will. Meeting people is just so awesome. I think I’ve met someone I really like, we’ll have to see how it all works out though.

Take Care and God Bless,
~paul

Well I’m here, we moved everything in yesterday. That turned out to be a larger task then I thought it would be. We spent the better part of three hours moving everything in and setting stuff up. Although I must say that our room is pretty sweet right now.

Other then that college life is about what I expected it to be. I’ve been meeting a lot of new people, figuring my way around campus and just having a good time over all. Today I also picked up my NINE books which decided to weight more then they should (especially the history of art book, which is 1000 pages).

Not to much else is going on here, just getting the feel for the room and the culture around here. I’m off to do some work before some more training this afternoon.

The time has been going past so quickly yet it seems like it’s been so long since I have seen some people already. When I look back into my memory it feels like months even though it’s just been weeks. I’m mixed up in where things are headed in my life. Not where I am headed, I have a pretty firm grasp upon that and how I want to get there.

Rather this swirl is of two stages of my life hitting head on. I feel this sense of impending conflict between the person I am and the person that college will form me to be, the person who will come out of four years (maybe more) of learning and growth. What will become of the person I am now, the friends that I have now, I’m already starting to loose contact with some of them and I don’ feel regret or sorrow over that. More wishing them the best, and that since they have stopped keeping in touch that it means they are off making new friends and having a good time. I’d like to think so anyway.

I’ve also been thinking about what is next after college, I always seem to do that, try to map out the next stage and plan in my life. Lately I’ve been thinking about starting another company (or re-naming CTP to be more marketable) and running a promotion/design firm. It would let me use my skills I’ve acquired in event production/management along with the skills I will learn in college with design and would be a really interesting and unique blend of talents. I’ll have to test the market and see how well my freelance managing goes over. Running events you set up is one thing, but running one where you just show up and make it work is another thing. It would also allow me to work with a bunch of my close friends in something that would be right up our alley.

Today at Dunn bros I was talking to Brian Mathieu and I am more then likely going to write for the SASA website once it goes online. It will be a little bit of a challenge because I will be the lone conservative mind on there. Which will really be a good thing, allowing the people visiting the site to receive both perspectives on the different subjects and topics that will come up over the next year and maybe years to come.

That’s all for now, next time I post I will be at college!!!

Take care and God Bless,
~paul

It’s finally come to a point where I should stop denying what is going on around me, but it’s so hard to do. To admit to myself that tonight was the last night I will see Matt Johnson before thanksgiving or possibly even winter break (spring break if I get that job), it’s hollowing me out inside.

For most of my life, I guess, I never would have said I had close friends, I spent most weekend nights at home alone because there was no one for me to do anything with (with the exception when I had a girlfriend and we’d do something one of the nights). Then for the first time near the end of junior year I had that group of guys. People who would call me up to see if I would be game to do something, compared to the assumptions that I was already out somewhere with someone else. I’m not writing that looking for pity from anyone because of late I have. There are people in my life that I truly feel comfortable around and will truly miss with all my heart. To see them leave it bittersweet, they are going on to do things we couldn’t fathom if we tried, and I was fortunate enough to know them now.

Being here at home is weird too, to think that I won’t live here in 5 years. That there will be a place with my name on it somewhere; could be down the street or out of the country. To wonder what life would be like without me in a house that has grown so accustom to my company. Will days go on without thoughts or notions of me, or will I be something that lives on in these walls. I don’t know if I could tell you the answer for that, I just hope that I was able to live my life right up to this point.

Lately I’ve also noticed that I’ve become more irritable, reflection has showed me that it’s a combination of things. I really don’t know what is ahead of me, in two weeks I am going to lay down to sleep and wake up for class… How weird is that. I also have been wondering what is really behind me, in both senses of the phrase. There are things that I’ve told myself I am over, older relationships that I have convinced myself had ended but now have this strange motivation to attempt to re-kindle them. More recently I’ve not been myself around someone who deserves nothing less, it’s hard for me to deal with loosing her (or the closeness we had just a few weeks ago) and subconsciously decided that I should try to make her miss me? hate me? That isn’t what I’m all about, that’s not what I do, I’m trying to patch things up but only time will tell if that will work.

All of that is just sitting inside of me, like a rock in my stomach. All of those emotions and feelings teaming up on me and really wearing me out. My mom thinks that I need more sleep, maybe a little, but it seems like around 1-3 am are the only chance each day I get to truly sort things out. If you don’t believe me look at when I post most of these blogs. Well I am starting to ramble and have lost my point as the clock hits two. I’ll try to write something more comprehendible and fluid later. Thank you God for getting me through this.

Take Care and may God bless your days,
~paul

So tonight was the first night that things really started to fall into place. I probably won’t see Alex or Lindsey until Christmas break (or next summer if I have that job over winter break), and this was also the last time I would see the Iowa and ND kids. I really don’t know what to say, I know it wasn’t that hard on me because the people in that group that I continue to be close with and truly treasure will still be here for a while longer (and I have plans with). What hit me hardest was Kessia, yea I know we are gonna spend a night together next week and that she’ll be here until I leave. It’s hard to lighten my grip on her, I guess because I’ve seen her grow up these last years and helped her long the way when I could.

Thinking about the reason it’s so hard on me is because I know she has grown so much, but I’m not totally sure if she realizes that yet. I remember back when we first starting talking and she had no idea what was going on in her life. It was all a blur and seemed to be leaving her behind, clutching and hanging on to what happened to her. Now she is looking for what is ahead and starting to see what it is she wants to do and become. I’m so proud of her that words really can’t describe it. Tonight she was having a hard time with finally realizing that some people were leaving and I walked her out to make sure she was doing ok and gave her a big hug and told her everything would be ok, that I wasn’t leaving her even if I was at college (truth is I could never leave her, not sure why, just something about her). I closed the door on her car as I told her not to worry, that I would take care of her like I always had and she smiled and drove away.

As I walked back to his house I caught tears in my eyes that I had been fighting off so she wouldn’t see me cry. It took me a minute to realize why they were there, not like I’m never going to see her again and that we aren’t going to talk every week. Then I realized why, she had done it, if she realized it or not. When she first confided in me I doubt she had ever though about today, about what she would be doing her senior year of high school and now she is living it and looking to the future. The future that she was so terrified of just a short time ago. I know tonight was rough on her because she felt like she was loosing some of her support group but she stood strong, if she realized it or not. Tonight when I saw her thinking about her friends moving to college her eyes told a different story then those I had seen in the past, she was figuring out what she needed to do in the future, not just what she needed to do to hang on. The hardest part now for me is to start letting go of that part of our relationship, the part where I lead her around and helped keep her safe, because she’s ready for what life can throw at her.

Thank you for all you’ve done for me kessia. It’s more then you’d ever know

Take care and God bless,
~paul

I just got back from spending the day with Carissa Goertz and had a great time. Aside from the fact that I was pretty tired from saying up to late again last night ‘talking’ to someone online. We went over to the Arboretum and walked around for about two hours looking at everything there and just talking about whatever came to mind. Which wasn’t a lot but was fun. After that we didn’t know what we wanted to do, I’m so bad at telling when girls are hungry, I wasn’t sure if she was or not and she told me she wasn’t with more confidence than I usually get from someone so I decided to just go up to the walker and show her some modern art. Turns out she never had seen any in person before so I felt good about that choice then.

After I dropped her off I got thinking back to prom, I wanted so bad to go with her but every time I hinted at it or asked who she was going with she would say, “I think matt but I duno. We haven’t talked about it.” I remember the heart sinking feeling at lunch the last day tickets were for sale and she was looking for a date, but I had already asked Britney to go (who had to be one of the most fun dates a guy could have to prom). I guess I should have hung onto the hope of being able to go with her. She’s kind of been a steady crush of mine since 10th grade, wow that seems like a long time now. I really hope she never reads back on this because it could make things awkward between us and I don’t want that.

In other news (referring to the talk fore stated), I’ve had two lengthy talks with her now and it turns out that the girl I fell for was only part of who she was. She was trying to be what I wanted her to be not who she was. So in really short I am now over her because the girl I knew wasn’t even who Stacey is. I could go into more detail but you honestly don’t need to know. I have a poem I wrote that I’ll post later as well (little different then what I normally write).

Take care and God bless,
~paul

I guess I should take a moment to fill people in on whats been happening in my life lately as compared to me just posting my rants and raves.

Last week I started doing my sponsor calls and asking for money, I hate doing that. I feel like I’m begging them, even though I know that I’m not. It has been going very well though. Which is a good thing. The event is falling together very well thanks to a little help from up above.

Also when I was talking to orage I got hinted to that I might have a job to do over winter break for them which is insanely cool. He implied that it would have to do with running events. I’ll let you know how that turns out.

Today I was suposto have a meeting with Beverly from Red Bull but she had to catch an earlier flight out this morning because something came up, so that meeting has been scratched and I’m just going to meet with phil next week for lunch.

I am practically done with my College shopping at this point, might get a VCR and need one more set of sheets but I am good to go. Very excited about that, I will be sure to put some pictures up here when Ned and me get our room set up.

I also got a call today from someone who totally has me thrown for a loop. But I digress.

Take Care and God Bless,
~paul