Paul Prins

So I was just thinking back through my previous relationship and I got to wondering if I could have been played. If I had been taken advantage of with my generosity. I so often read people correctly; my first impression of you is normally very accurate as to your personality and potential. The more that I reflect the more I feel like I have been cheated. The more I look into what is happening now and contrast against the past I see that it never would have worked. My conclusions always seem to come back to one main idea, the idea that I felt and could sense two months ago but that I sheepishly thought I could help with.

The more I look back I see things that I was blind to at the time. I see signals that I should have heeded instead of rationalized. I see conections that I made that shouldn’t have crossed my mind, I see myself falling away from God because of her.

Now I see it slightly differently, I see a girl who is scared of what is ahead of her. I see someone who is willing to start something but not stick through it. I see myself having pity on her for some reason I can’t explain. I see her in my mind everyday that passes. Mostly I see a girl who is unsure of herself, who lacks the vision to look into the mirror and see what really is there. Someone who doesn’t realize everything she posses and is scared to confront issues she can avoid. So I guess I shouldn’t complain that it didn’t work out because in that sense we are opposites, I confront every issue that comes to be head on with as much as it takes to make it through successfully. She has the next four years of her life to figure it out, and I have the next four years to find someone who has.

WOW, so today just kicked ass and was uber krad. Not only did ned come over and work for a while and get a ton of amazing design work done. I really don’t know how his brain works sometimes but I love the work that he does. He’s really going to end up going places in life. Later on chris jones came over to edit and we went and re-filmed an interview I screwed up doing and now it looks amazing, thanks a ton chris. The DVD will be done by this weekend, I can sense it.

In other news of the day I got a call from Red Bull regarding the advanced copy of the proposal that I sent them. Needless to say they continue to show me all the love that they possibly can. Coming in very big for the event next season in their sponsorship for the rail jam. On top of that I get to meet his boss on Wednesday morning/noon to sit down and just hang out for a while, go over the event and make my presentation to her and might even get some more money out of the deal. Either way it will be great practice for me in presenting this, since I really haven’t thus far to anyone. If I screw up with her it also won’t effect the amount that they have set aside for me, just my chances at more.

Well I’m still on cloud nine from that, my dream competition could be coming true very soon (as in THIS FEBRUARY!!) so please continue to pray for it and for me. It’s only by God’s sheer grace that I’ve been able to get this far and do this much. One can only wonder what he has in mind for me come the future.

Take Care and God Bless every one of you,
~paul

I really don’t know what to think right now, I realize that this is another post about Stacey but I can’t help it. She is all that I think about lately, who wouldn’t. It just seems to me like she wasn’t totally honest with me about her reasoning. I guess I could understand it had it been a few days before she left, but I think she just wants to go to college without any attachments and no matter how she felt/feels about me she was going to do that. That would be fine with me if she had told me that, if I wouldn’t be so far thrown to the side.

Then I could be all wrong again, it just seems to me like she is timid when I get to talking about certain things. I’m really tired so maybe that’s it too. I just wish she felt the way I do, alas some things in life aren’t meant to be. My friend Brian is going through something similar so were going to hang out next week for a while. That’s all I got.

So I haven’t really filled anyone in on what happened to Oscar Perez Calix, my sponsor child down in Honduras. It turns out that his mother had lied about some information to get him into the program, what I am not sure. When confronted she apparently got upset and withdrew Oscar from the program. I was heartbroken by that because I was really starting to get to know him better. Although it is better that it happened sooner then later, when I became truly attached to him.

Present Day, I got a packet in the mail from Compassion International with another kid. Needless to say that made my week, which to that point has been rather dismal. He’s such a rad guy. His name is Marlon David Castillo Perez and lives in Honduras as well. He’s seven right now and his either birthday is next month. He lives at home with his sister, who runs the household. I’m not sure where his parents are in the picture, removed or past on. He likes swimming, art, and playing ball games. I really don’t know much more then that. I’m writing him today and hopefully I’ll hear back before school, but probably wont since that is coming up pretty quickly and I can’t imagine mail moves to fast down there.

Plus Marlon has longer hair like me. I would strongly suggest to anyone who reads this to sign up to sponsor a kid, it’s only $28 a month and he or she’ll get so much.

Take care and may God bless you,
~paul

Knowing that when
I cast my eyes,
Upon the night time sky,
The exact same stars
Shone down on you,
Pulling us together
Through that view.

Of celestial bodies
So beautifully radiant,
Sending light to us.
So we can say that,
With upswept glances,
“I know you’re there,
just hoping you remember
that somebody who cares.”