PaulPrins.net

I guess you should be slightly suspicious of a blog the very next day, since I have been slacking of late. Tonight has sucked, there really isn’t any better way I could word it (and several worse that I’ll omit).

I was just wrapping up eating dinner, which was turning out to be an amazing meal. Went with a couple friends and they were serving really good food for a change. To add to it she was there tonight, walked past her in the commons stopped over and talked for a minute, not more then a couple minutes after I got back to my table and took a swig of milk did my phone ring. Answered it and talked to chris jones, let him know I got the weekend in Duluth set up for him and he was taken back. Leaving me very confused as to what is going on, proceeded to ask what was and found out what happened last Saturday.

One of my biggest mentors past away from a heart attack last Saturday. I had to have been in shock for at least a half an hour before the harsh reality hit me. He was such a vital part of forming me to who I am today. Before him I can’t think of anyone who truly had followed his heart and passion. He was a shining example that it does work, that you can look forward to your work, even if at times it got hard to be gone so much. When it seemed like I didn’t have a clue what I was doing with my camera he would show me, he had some way of just having it all make sense. He kept me motivated through the first film, telling me what I needed to be doing all along the way.

Indirectly he is a core reason why I’ve been able to accomplish so much. Every time I would get one step of the process done he was asking me when the next one would be ready to check out. Not to mention how he always seemed to show up on the most ideal days to film for us, and from watching his footage I learned a lot about composition and different ways to follow with the camera. Without a doubt, every time I touch a camera I will be reminded of him and what he did for me so generously.

He was an amazing man, please pray for his family and friends in this hard time.

Take Care and May God look over Jon’s soul,
~paul

The weekend past and I didn’t see her in the hours elevated from my sub-conscious state. I’ve been precocious over going to slumber, scared that she won’t be there to meet me. I can’t understand my heart and I barely know her name. Yet it seems different this time, sparing clichés and leaving it at that.

Finding myself, walking in the cold, inventing poetry with each step, flowing words previously unconnected, warming my soul against the brisk winter eve, no one hear, I speak louder, my soul longs to sing, time beckons forth a key, that will fit, within my heart.

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Finally I’ve overcome my guilt for loving it at school. Feelings that I had because of the way some people aren’t happy or moving on with their life. Resulting in a torn feeling that I shouldn’t be feeling any better then they are, after all I do care about them. Unsure about what brought this change about, possibly an unnoticed epiphany. Regardless, I’m finally able to truly love every moment and subtle joy in my days.

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I just emailed my resume to Highline and will hopefully hear back in the next two days over the prospect of my winter/summer employment. If it turns out we can’t agree on terms or it just doesn’t work out I am going to start finding summer freelance work to do. I was very blessed last summer and hopefully can do more this upcoming (also would love to do some concept based cinema work).

Take Care and God Bless,
~paul

What has been going on in my life? This week has been quite the week, compared to weeks of late. Ned and me had been growing distant because we more or less stopped talking when we were in our room, and we’ve been talking more again and I feel like were becoming better friends again. It was really nice to be able to sit and talk on the ride back to school, just about life/love/trials and the $6.99 Quick Trip all you can eat buffet… very questionable.

I also going to be the co-leader for the mens bible study in HKMC next semester, very excited about that. I had quite the hunch last winter when we started up our study back home that it would eventually lead to me leading/co-leading one here. I’m really humbled that they asked me to help out like that.

Highline is also being a little weird, I’m getting mixed singles from them ATM and am going to send my resume into them tomorrow, most likely. I had prayed that if God had wanted me to do mission work next summer that he would close they opportunity in Vail, so we’ll see what ends up happening.

Onward to the post I want to write.
Tonight has been a little weird, I had been trying to find something to sit down and contemplate for a while and everything I could come up with was a two second idea, in and out. Then I was reading through my friends online journals and noticed that Katie was looking for someone to critique an essay she was going to turn in. I read it over and it really got me thinking, wondering what impact the people I’ve dated or become close with have had on me. Pondering if I had truly hurt some people without intention or, worse, even noticing.

It’s always nice to get notes from people who I have dated or been really close with and to find out that I actually left an impression on them and wasn’t the heartless wrench I thought myself out to be. It might have been that I read a lengthy essay of Katie’s tonight that I remembered something she had written about me,
“dear paul you were my first minnesotan and dance-pickup and writer of love letters and poetry i believed every word and although we knew each other for such a short time you had a big impact on my life your work inspires me or the fact that you can do so much and i wish life or you had treated you better so that it wouldn’t seem to sneak up and crack you in the face as it does to me too but don’t allow yourself to throw yourself away because you are worth more than that, believe me”

That coming from someone who I felt like I left on the side of the road and tore up inside, and I know I did Katie. There are other times this has happened, and it just has me wondering if I’m in relationships currently that are helping to form me into the person I envision myself being down the road. I guess that could have some light as to why I can’t seem to understand my attractions as of late, I can’t sort out in my mind where I’m going to be and don’t know who will help me get there. Basically I need to let go of that concern and let God show me where to go with my life and who should be part of it, I just tend to have a problem understand where I’m heading and this is the first time in a few years I’ve been like this.

Here is my plan, I’m gonna try to further myself and my knowledge as much as possible over the next couple years and then see what happens to my future.

Aside: the speaker at cru tonight was really good, and I strongly suggest that everyone find someone they can confide everything to. Will write more about that later I’m sure

Take Care and God bless,
~paul

I really need to post something new soon, sorry i haven’t been keeping up with the blog this week. I will write something up later today hopefully.