Paul Prins

Review of the Movie

It’s been a month since we started the planning for the Passion Outreach with Campus Crusade at Stout and now we are gathering on opening day, thirty minutes before we start distributing the tickets and the line is already forming. After reviewing the plan for the night I glance back into the hall, overwhelmed by the line which extends out the door fifteen minutes before we even start to hand out tickets.

5:00 PM:
We start handing out tickets, the line keeps getting longer and the tickets go fast. We hand out 540 tickets in nineteen minutes. With over three hundred people still in line. Attempting to get another showing that night after the 7:00 and 9:35 we hand out ticket vouchers and ask that they come back at 6:30 when we’ll know if the midnight showing is going to happen.

6:30 PM:
Find out there won’t be a midnight showing, however there will be another showing tomorrow at 9:35. They let everyone know and then I’m already at the theater getting things set up and rolling, we arrived after a short jaunt back to my room for my microphone. People start to file into the theater, everyone in a good mood, ready to enjoy a free movie.

7:03 PM:
The music cues up, the projector clicks on and people settle in: the movie starts.

9:15 PM:
The quelled mixture of emotional states is obvious as the people leaving the theater encounter those ready to see the film. Subdued versus excited, withdrawn versus enthralled.

9:35 PM:
Second show starts.

9:45 PM:
People from the Evangelism Team and other Ushers for the event head over to Caribou to grab a cup of coffee and to pass the time until the conclusion of the second show. Spending the time talking about the movie and life.

11:50 PM:
The second show ends, we’ve already sorted out the comment cards from the first show and we clean up the theater and sort out the cards for the second show.

1:00 AM:
We’ve finished up the sorting, have everything packed up and arrive at Perkins. Finally put our order in a half hour later.

2:00 AM:
The fast that the E-Team was on is broken as our food arrives. It was one of the most excellent omelets I’ve ever tasted, along with a muffin and cinnamon roll. Though erin takes the trophy eating a quesada as well as the sampler platter. She’s a girl on the outside but wow can she eat? Probably because God designed her with only one lung? Good times, Good times

3:00 AM:
Finally get back to school and hang out talking to eric for a while at South Hall before making the rest of the trip back to my floor. Was nice to see some people still up that I could talk to for a few minutes.

4:15 AM:
I go to bed- Good times, Good times…

What’s left?
There was another showing the next night at 9:35 which went just as well as the first two, again packed meaning that there is 290 people at each showing, so the out reach got to nearly 900 students on a campus of only about eight thousand. The bible study leaders are going to do follow up this weekend and we have two discussion group times set up in each dorm for next week, one on Tuesday and Wednesday. It was a true blessing to see this unfold the way it has.

This was a visually stunning masterpiece. The depiction was very accurate to the biblical description of the events. There was very little artistic verse taken although at times it would have been much easier on Gibson and the rest of the cast.

The shear amount of gore and blood, in my opinion, was still understated but very powerful and impacting. Watching the flesh torn from his side by the workings of the cat of nine tails helps one to understand the brutality that He went through. The film evoked such feelings and emotions. Leaving you feeling so helpless to stop it from happening because it is on the screen echoes the reality that we are truly helpless to stop it from happening. He went through all of that because of my sins and shortfalls. That ever step of the way he carried the cross was out of love, how he was able to keep almost completely silent throughout his flogging and crucifixion, unlike any man would have been able to.

To see Him hanging on the cross, blood running over his body and down the wood finally puts it into perspective. The true atrocities that we all deserve for what we think about, the way we look at people, actions we take and even things we don’t think of as sin. That because of God’s grace we don’t have to endure that, that we are able to join Him for all of eternity in the holiest of all places. All we have to do is open the door and let Him into our life, that the choice to follow and accept, or reject all that has been give, is left to us.

If you are feeling remotely interested in this film go and check it out. Even from a non-Christian standpoint it is still a very well done film. Utilizing very solid and well placed cinematographic techniques. The flashbacks are excellently done, the entire film flows very well and keeps a very consistent balance of emotion that coincides with the building and climax of the story.

Just my few cents and God bless.
~paul

ps. I cried four or five times, so don’t feel bad if you do as well.

Well it is not about sixteen hours until we get together before our passion outreach here at stout and I am thrilled. The evangelism team, for the UW stout Campus Crusaide for Christ, got together tonight for pizza up at Ted’s as a little pre-event dinner. Just went over any last minute concerns, I was a little late because I had to come from the bible study and head up there. It was a good time and super humbling to be a part of. Plus I got hooked up with some pizza because Derek is a sexy man.

Rest of the day has been less eventful, We started to dig into our next drawing project today and I’m really liking how mine is coming along. Will be a major improvement over my last one. Ok back to the passion deal, I’m just super excited about this.

Almost my entire next two days are devoted to this out reach. Tomorrow still have to make some print work for it. On top of that we are meeting up at 4:30 to pray and then set things up. Hand out the tickets at 5:00 until they are gone, I’m going to give it between 30-45 minutes before they are all gone. First showing is at seven, second at nine-thirty. I’m a councilor for the movie so hopefully there will be some guys who need someone to talk to after the show and I can let the Lord work through me in that. Will probably take them out for coffee (Caribou is staying open until 11:00 for us!) and then the later showing we’re going to 322 or the jungle (off campus houses). I’m soooo excited for this. After all that excitement we have some stuff we need to sort through and put into piles and then around 2:00am we’re going eat breakfast and our fast is over (yea forgot to mention that, we aren’t going to eat all today for kicks). Then spend the rest of the morning in prayer until classes start.

Oh and I’m thinking about fasting with my youth group from back home, so Friday through Saturday evening sometime. I duno, I think I just like fasting. Though I should be careful because I don’t have all that much weight on me as it is?

Well I’m gonna take care of some of the printing stuff for tomorrow and then turn in! I know I should just turn in but I’m quite excited about all of this! AHHHHHH. I will have two entries coming up, probably in the same day (Thursday); One as a review of the movie and the other as a low down of what happened with the outreach.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

ps. also thank you very much to everyone who has been praying for me over the past couple days. It has made a world of difference in how I feel and look at what I’m going through with work.

A mumbling rant shall ensue.

I’m sick of feeling like I’m distant, so tired of trying hard to no avail. This is no cry for help rather a cry for someone to understand, a cry that has yet to be heard. I could keep going, and I’m sure I will, but the reasoning seems distant to me. Nothing changes with the words I put here, sometimes I wish it’d all disappear. I’m sick of being unsure of what people know about me, I’m tired of people thinking I’m something more then what I am, a freshman in college trying to find his way.

There are only a few weeks between me and throwing in the towel on skiing. I’m tired of the lack of appreciation I am receiving for my efforts. It is no mistake that I didn’t do clothing this year, I didn’t want to put that much money into the site when I wasn’t even sure if I should do it or not. I will see what response I get from the ski industry in the upcoming month. If it is short of supportive I will be done, not even sure if I will keep Midwest Skier online. I would give it all up for a chance to be normal, whatever that may be. I want to be able to do or not do things without this sense of guilt because I should be working. When I go overseas this summer I want to know that I don’t have to worry about what is going on back home and with work.

It’s so hard to stay motivated with work when my main reasons for starting is all but diminished. I was looking for approval from my dad and it was also a way to escape the depression I was going through by keeping myself constantly busy. Neither of those things do I need help with anymore. While we still aren’t that close, I’ve never been closer to my dad then I am now. The Lord has help me overcome my depression and it’s been over 6-7 months since my last episode with it. There is nothing for me to feel worthless about.

Not to be self-boasting but the fact that guys complained after the event this year got to me as well. It frustrates me to no end to read pointless and baseless dribble from someone who has nothing better to do with their time. All my mind is telling me to pull up and leave but there is something in my heart that is telling me to stay, however, whenever I read something like that the pull diminishes even more. I’m just worried what will happen around here when I leave.

Also sorry for the recent poetry, I read something and it got me inspired to write something. It’s very hard to write about people (I just love people and writing about them) when there isn’t any one person you’re writing about? I’ll leave you all with that.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

slowly drift down
sky to earth
your delicate form
suspended in space

suddenly
encapsulated in warmth
behind a smile
melting and sliding
towards her soul

finding little comfort
she looks for more
heart grown sore
world of scorn

So often over looked,
she stands shy of shadows
while light skims across the sky,
hoping to expose
what darkness hides

in those moments
between light an dark
stands who you are
broken, beautiful and pure

within that brief time
seeming to understand
the girl possessing the smile
attention she commands
between light an dark
Gods grace shone through
in these twilight moments.

Continued from previous entry

Receiving several different reactions from the previous entry I am finally able to sit down and write out the next section. Which is, in my mind, the most exciting of this process. No this is not some spiritual jumble of wits, only a sense based argument on our sub-conscious thought process.

As fore stated, everything we experience in some way impacts our (as I’ve titled it) inference experience library. From knowledge we ingest or derive to physical actions we take. Of these experiences there are two types, constructive and destructive, that intermingle because of the root of a decision that we make which ends up classifying it. With everything we experience we, mostly subconsciously, decide either to accredit that information as truthful or as the inverse. That decision is based on previous information on the pertaining subject, if someone were very intelligent it would be logical to believe what intellectual details they tell you, but then not believe him or her on something outside their perceived area of expertise.

When we receive constructive information it is given/received in alignment (if we trust someone to be accurate and they are, or if we believe them not to be and they aren’t). Both cases will result in a positive effect on our Library. Allowing us a further developed ability to infer correctly and constructively. However, when we hear something that is misaligned, believed truth but stands inaccurate or vise-versa, it becomes destructive. While unavoidable, as our subconscious tells us to believe or not, it is possible to mold and enhance our ability to correctly align information based on misaligned decisions in the past that we are aware of.

With the understanding of constructive/destructive experiences we are allowed to move on to the next end, the experiences themselves. A ready understanding that everything we experience, and to the same end don’t, will impact our library we hold a certain power. This understanding of that impact allows us to make conscious decisions that will impact our Library in the direction we wish to pursue. Upon self-deliberation we can arrive at a vision of our person and this can allow us to form that future. We are able to, when conscious of it, decide upon which experiences to have and avoid. Through conscious, and only conscious, decisions can we guide our experiences that will in turn guide us as a person.

A person who’s conscious and subconscious thoughts are both in alignment (not thinking you are someone and subconsciously being different, rather becoming purely who you wish to be) and have evolved into what and whom it is the person has desired and set their experiences up to become. While not all experiences are pre-decidable, and some are unavoidable, we can take strides towards becoming who we wish to be through those experiences. In essence we can define the way we think by deciding how we want to think and acting upon that information.

There is however one point in this subject left to discuss, that is the discovery of previous destructive experiences. At the time we will hold information in misalignment, though this arises a problem if we should realize our mistake and attempt to correct it. Even though it is discovered inaccurate there things that must happen. The re-evaluation of all prior experiences from the misaligned source (checking through similar experiences for recently discovered discrepancies), and making a decision upon the best course of action to correct subconscious thoughts over time. Not to mention all the situations in which we drew from that information to formulate decisions on other experiences. The process of correction would be much like the one mentioned above but depending on the time since the initial subconscious decision, it could be quite a lengthy process.

take care and God bless,
~paul prins

“Everything comes from the soil that already exists?”

No matter where you look nothing is new. To be new you have to come from nothing, and everything has come from it’s past and the worlds history. No thought is original and no idea unique. The harder you try to discover something the more you fall into the rut of repetitive and previous thought.

In a world so concerned with maintaining the concepts that are construed within one’s head, we forget to realize that no idea is truly our own. That in a subconscious portion of our brain, our experiences and intellect are melded to infer a concept that we understand to be of our own creation. While we ignore the true source of this idea, those for mentioned experiences.

What experiences contribute to this process of self-epiphany? Everything that we go through on a day-to-day basis will impact and further our ability to infer. From sitting in on a class, reading books, holding in depth conversations, feeling hurt/love/pain/joy, to physical activities like running, eating, and even sleeping. All are building up our subconscious arsenal from which our thought process is based upon and will constantly draw from.

With nothing in life truly being original we are left with a void. The excitement of having a truly unique thought and idea, which is inspiring to say the least, is now vanquished. However the ability to infer previous concepts to a point of audibility, grasping your creative nature into a current problem or situation is rewarding in and of it’s own nature.

Even this piece is not of original thought, inspired by a teacher today who said the introduction. Now the main dilemma arises as to weather or not I inform you as to who has inspired me. While those experiences have allowed me access to this point and this information, without my inference none of this would matter anyway. The way that I infer information is also a learnt behavior based on other and similar experiences that I draw my inferences from.

That everything, from how you were brought up, the books you’ve read, the clothes you wear, and the people you talk to, effect the most basic and simple mind processes. Allowing each and everyone of us the key to becoming who it is we wish to be, simply by molding the experiences that we endure and enjoy (or suffer through). In the end, everything is up to you, based on your knowledge and willingness to experience ‘new’ things to broaden your inference library.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

So the event is past, I’m glad it’s over and not sure if I’m doing another. I know I would say that with more confidence but last year I said the exact same thing. As of right now, just trying to get all the follow up work done and out the door as well as catching up on the school work that is due next week (yes I really have a fourteen foot drawing to make and two wood blocks to cut out). Aside from work there have been two things on my mind today.

Friends and those people whom I can truly trust and in return trust me. When I got my mail today I got the coolest thing I’ve ever gotten in the mail. A friend of mine from Illinois sent me a letter. Totally out of the blue, she said it was for “Appreciate your friends day,” some holiday she made up. I have kind of forgotten how good it feels to be thanked for the kind of person you are, for doing something as simple as listening to what she has going on. Thank you soooo much sarah! You made my day.

There was one thing that through me slightly at the end of the letter she wrote thanks for being constant. I looked it up and I guess one definition makes sense, as it means always present or available, but the standard connotation means staying the same, being faithful and the such. It’s just hard for me to be told that because I know that I don’t always feel it constantly inside. I love people and want, more then anything, for them to understand who they are and to be overjoyed with that. But spiritually I have ups and downs, sometimes over days, or even hours. Times where I feel like the worst roll model out there.

Midwest Skier Open!
Ah the other thing on my mind today, the event is done and again we didn’t have any injuries during the event? That is only during the event. I feel horrible because two guys got hit in their car on Friday night, Dan and Erik. I’ve been trying to stay in the loop with what’s up, although I do realize that it’s really none of my business, I just want them to get better. It’s funny because I never thought I would care this much about something happening this weekend at my event with two total strangers.

Also for the first time I spent time during the event talking to people, I guess it’s just me trying to figure out where my place really is in the scene and industry around here. My priorities have shifted on me and I’ve caught myself becoming more cynical, although that word seems a tad harsh for my true sentiments, towards the skiing scene. Seeing people in it for self-advancement and the selfless attitudes that once existed are now waning away. Maybe it’s a harsh realization that the world is now how I truly wish it to be, and realizing that my reason for being involved is not one I feel comfortable with. I’ve been told people see my faith in the work I do, that the athletes really respect me, but I still feel like I should be doing more.

People are beautiful, I think I’m going to do a larger project on that at some point, all to often people completely miss the awe that is in their presence. I know I wrote an entry about this but I don’t think I was truly able to capture what I wanted too. Hopefully I’ll have some time coming up to work on it, I really want to do an out of school project. Also had the idea tonight to focus on your last moment, how you would spend it. So two ideas floating around. We’ll see and I’ve written to much.

avec l’amour et la bénédiction de Dieu,
~paul

Well I got up here alright, everything is going really well. I only forgot three things that I know of so far, the trophies (which have been made and paid for already, just forgot to pick them up!), extension cords, and the digital camera battery charger. So I really can’t complain. I have everything else that I need. Currently I’m downloading the patch so that I can use the printer from my laptop, although I was pretty sure I had already installed it when I was at school, I guess I didn’t.

I’m really not looking forward to tomorrow morning. The directions I got from the station sounded confusing enough and there is some road closed and I need to get up at around 5:00 so that I can get there in time. I will probably come back and fall asleep again afterwards. I mean I don’t even know if I should shower tonight or tomorrow, will they be fine with my hair wet? Because it can tell you right now that it will be.

Tonight I figured out how to get internet in the room, which is key because now I can update the website with results the night after each event and include photos and it’ll be super rad. I’m pretty excited about that.

To sum up the last two days, amazing and way to short. I know I’m just sitting around right now writing a stupid journal entry but I cress-crossed my way around Duluth today and I know that tomorrow will only be worse. The jones brought up one of chris’ friends, Andy Giebe and he is really a cool guy, spent the afternoon driving around with him and just talking. It’s cool that he’s finally over his, you’re paul, phase. I can’t stand it when people treat me like anything else then that, a person. I feel such pity for people with true fame, it is a lifestyle I’m not sure I could handle.

I’m starting to get more comfortable talking about God with some of the guys up here already, which is a really good thing. Looking forward to meeting april tomorrow, meet sumi today and he seems alright. Well I’m off to run around some more and be all crazy like.

Take care and God bless,
~paul