PaulPrins.net

I?m home on spring break and it?s going alright. Was a lot of fun yesterday spending time with Kyle and some of his friends, I?ve lately been feeling really free from worry and concern. Not sure if that?s a good thing or not but it sure is relaxing and a relief. Just been really laid back in the past day since I got home.

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Earlier today my Mom made a comment about how I had become snappier with my comments in being overly technical of others. That has really been working a number upon my mind for the rest of today and I think I?ve found the cause. It lies in the environment I am in over at school, allow me to explain?

I believe that anyone can become anything and do whatever they choose to do, not just from a legal sense but also from an ability sense. I understand that most people don?t believe me and will offer up some half-assed mental excuse for why they aren?t and won?t ever put forth the effort to chase something, no matter how unrealistic it may seem.

It might have started as a defensive technique to help me cope with the change in environment and, more so, attitude. I know that Stout isn?t a very challenging school (I find my share of challenges outside of the classroom, just as I did in high school) but the fact that so many people hold the mindset that they can?t simply because of who they are astounds me. That people there openly tell me something as ignorant as, ?You should be doing something better then art? or imply ?I couldn?t do ______ because I _______.?

I?m just growing so tired of people who can?t see past imperfections to be witness to everything that is there, right in front of them. How beautiful the smile on her face when you can look past imperfections, that doesn?t mean that you ignore imperfections (as we all have them so why dwell upon them), just that you can see past them to something better. Without being able to see where you are heading or wish to go you will stand stagnant and immovable. There is no amount of inspiration or training that can help you get somewhere without the vision, the vision for who you, and the people around you, are or have the potential to be.

Maybe it?s a gift that I can see this in people, but the fact that I haven?t met anyone who really shares that belief with me is dragging on me. I?m not sure if I did back in high school, though I know my parents do both believe in that theory and I do with all my heart.

I just long for someone in that community and environment who?s able to see things the way I do.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

Unlike winter break I am really looking forward to getting home. I have had a sudo-stressful quarter, well what stress is for me because most people don?t seem to think I feel like I?m ever under stress but whatever. Just catching up on the work load after the event. Finally I?m discovering that I have time for myself.

I guess it really won?t be much of a break, more of a chance for me to catch up on other things that I don?t have time to do during school. Need to get a site made up for this summer in France, do the support letters for that, and then going to hang out a lot. I told Justin Jones that I would help him out with some of his Skadi stuff and should really get on that as well. Should really get a passport photo taken as well as get my hair cut.

There are also the fun parts of break, getting to hang out with different people. Going to spend some time with Kessia, Rachel, Phil and duno who all else yet. Will be a very good break for me though. Get away from Stout for a little while at least… although I still will be working on my drawings…

Take care and God bless,
~paul

So here I?m sitting around 11:30pm and I can sense that I?m tied, I feel it in the way my body rests in this chair and how my fingers are sluggishly depressing the keys in front of me to write this, yet my mind is completely contrary. Running a million thoughts a moment as if nothing in the world will ever slow it down or could even stand in it?s way.

To say that it is a combination of things would be irrational of me. While I have had a lot going on today, that simply doesn?t go to explain this internally perpetual motion. Knowing that I only have such a brief span of time until I get to see her again. I hope this doesn?t come off as creepy, I?m just excited to have met someone as down to earth as her. The more I sit here and think about it the more I feel I should stop this entry here? so I can go and pretend to sleep and delay tomorrow until it is today.

Or wander off into the distance hoping to make the moment stay? before it?s gone.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

Well I?ve been meaning to write this for some time now, my friend Katie B did this while back and it was a really awesome idea (writing a quick little something about/to the people you?ve dated) and I finally sat down and wrote it out. Yea I know it?s long? and sorry if I forgot you? ~paul

Tara: You were the first girl who ever held my heart, the girl who goes down as my first love. At the time we were so young and I never thought I could care for someone like I did for you. Even through the stuff I was personally battling you were there for me, if you knew it or not. You?re who I measure everyone I meet up against. If it weren?t for you I would not be the person I am today. Thank you sooo much, and don?t forget that you can do anything you put your mind to, like sing and dance…!!!!

Sar: Keep wearing your faith on your sleeve. I?ve learned so much from you about faith and what it looks like. Things didn?t go the best between us when we tried the dating thing. You?re one of the friends I hold closest, there aren?t many people from HS who I feel remotely comfortable talking about my faith with, and who truly understands me and lifts me back up like you still do. God bless you and I?m so excited for you finally finding your place at st. kates!!

Andrea: Against my better judgment I dated you, you taught me a lot about myself and where my morals are. To date you are also the only girl to ever cheat on me (that I know for a fact). I hope that your friend was able to help pull you through? wherever you are now.

Katie: Whenever we were able to spend time together you kept me constantly amazing. Looking back I just remember this calm confidence you held that I was in awe of. Even then you were so brilliant and your writing of late has inspired me (thank you so much for getting back in touch with me!! Just the idea of this entry I got from you.. so if you think it?s stupid? yea, not my idea, haha). Stay true to yourself and the right guy will come along who won?t make you walk across campus to brake up with him, or leave you without reason like I did. God has someone equally amazing and beautiful waiting in the wings for you.

Nicole: You showed me parts of myself that I was avoiding, parts of people that I was ignorant too. Not because I didn?t see it but rather because I didn?t want to. You cared for me and helped me learn to care for everyone

Danger: I don?t know if we ever really dated or not, but you had the most beautiful eyes. We?re ever you are, I hope you are still out riding and being who you are.

Jessica: I owe so much to you, when no one else understood me you were right there to relate with. I wish so much that life hadn?t taken such a hard turn for you, that you would find God?s grace and strength to pull through it and be the person you?ve dreamed of with Yoga on Tuesdays and cooking classes Wednesdays. I wish that we hadn?t fallen apart as we did, that things could have ended better between us and that you would know I didn?t hate you, that I am still here 24/7 and care for you. I hope life is kind to you through college, I don?t know of anyone who would deserve it more.

Anne: You still draw eyes better then me. As you?re wrapping up senior year I hope that life is starting to make more sense. That you can feel God?s presence in your life and take heed to his guidance, don?t worry about trying to find ?that guy? because when the time comes they will line up around the block for you, will only take a flash of your smile and a few minutes around you to realize how amazing you are. I wish I hadn?t slide back into my depression when we started dating, that I could have gotten to know you better. If you ever read this please say hello.

Stacey: I know we saw our relationship differently, that?s cool, I wish we could still talk without it feeling uneasy/awkward. Last summer you changed all my ideas of what a girlfriend could be, you were intellectual, witty, sweet, beautiful and inspiring. I meant every word I ever told/wrote you no matter if you felt undeserving or deceiving. My biggest regrets are not having more time to talk with you about life before things faded off, and the way I treated my emotions after we broke up. I hope Chicago is everything you dreamt it to be and more, you deserve it.

Laura B: You were one of the first people to catch my eye at school. There is something that you radiate that is so beautiful. I wish that you hadn?t/wouldn?t be so hard on yourself and hope that when you look into the mirror you can see what I see in you. I?m sorry we were in different places in our lives and that I wasn?t able to see that when I should have. You were one of the first girls I?ve dated who really put Christianity first in a relationship, sorry if at times I was abrasive over it, I just longed to understand more about it. You convicted me and I am a different person today because of you, I hope that we can stay friends and I hope you realize that I am here for you. If it is just down the hall or if it is across the phone.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

I sit here, across the state line, hearing bits and fragments of words and statements. Only piecing together news I wish I wouldn?t here but am drawn into hearing more. Wishing it was a few days prior and I could be there. If only to stand and show I?m here, to have taken the moment my heart told me too, for you. Instead of sitting here so drained and pained from the words I hear, of you.

Now I?m constrained and sitting here with a heart swollen with love for you, of which you?ve felt so little of late. I?m late, but never has not yet arrived. If I could have, would have, should have done something better than I did or rather didn?t do. Arms unable to reach out to you from this foreign room and unable to comfort you in your foreign place. To help you grasp and understand the unvisited recesses of your mind.

Instead I sit here wondering, hoping, praying, and listening for words of how you are. Knowing in my heart it will work out, with a mind slow to follow I worry, sitting here wondering, hoping, praying and feeling helpless.

Take care and God Bless,
~paul