PaulPrins.net

If a blue bird could sing
a song as sweet,
As the one you did,
when you spoke to me.

Maybe I would learn,
hang on every note and word,
to later silently relive
the beauty of what was heard.

But like the bird you left
filling my heart with regret,
leaving me sitting here
remembering what I?ll never forget.

Thinking about that night
when we talked till three,
how the skies opened up
poured out tears with me.

Thinking about that night
when we came to our end
How we both cared so much
yet didn?t try to mend

Thinking about that night
with our final hug,
torn and tattered hearts
slowly unfreezing time
with burning desire to understand

~paul prins 9/10/03

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Life is constantly teaching us lessons; there are lessons that we leap out of the gate to share with others and then those dark secretive lessons. The ones that are taught to a part of us that we wish not to expose to the world and they end up shut inside out minds longing for an avenue to experience and enlighten. So often we?ll experience such polar emotions, our bodies broken so sharply that the simplistic and slightest shift brings out a beast we are striving to suppress. We make a decision to take a side of this internal conflict, this war raging through the fiber of our understanding and comprehension that allows us to suppress the other.

Every now and then the suppressed scream so loud that it resonates through your mind and thoughts till you have to allow it a similar appearing avenue to travel, except where no one will ever witness it. Where you will allow it to become feeling expressed to four cold hard walls and a pen whose scribbling motion longs to transcend the indescribable. It?s now been at least seven months since we parted ways, since I raged my hate through a pen into words hoping to cure my pain and hate (which I realize I haven?t posted here, or had and then deleted, so I?ll post that later).

This is what was suppressed, I longed for no one to see me and feel as if I still cared the world for her. I didn’t understand how I could and these words and emotions came out, leaving me so confused. Since then I’ve had the chance to grow and realized that you can be on both sides of the fence, I could deeply love someone and detest them at the same time. Here are my positive sentiments, the later will come with next entry tomorrow.

Take care and God bless,
~paul prins

For Immediate Release
4/27/04 15:13:10 CST

Paul Prins Steps Down From Midwest Skier
I, Paul Prins, am here by stepping down with my position at Midwest Skier. The website may be updated for next season, however I am now off the staff, and will not actively pursue event coverage/promotion/production.

The Midwest Skier Open has been postponed until further notice; any attempt to hold this event will result in legal action.

The website will now be maintained completely by the users/supporters of Midwest Skier. A section will be added allowing you to make donations, all website costs must be covered by donations. All print work and logos will be made public domain, allowing users to create/print/distribute the promotional material/s.

Paul Prins had this to say.

?I?ve had a blast and learned a ton throughout the years with Midwest Skier, the videos and events. From the bottom of my heart I thanks those of you who have stood by my side and supported me.

?Over the next few years I will be doing international mission work, my university studies, and pursuing the will God has for me. The need and desire I had towards skiing has diminished and it is time for me to move on and pursue lifelong and career building objectives with my true passions; God, photography, writing, serving, and production.

?Again I want to say thank you to those of you who shared in my vision for the scene in the Midwest. One can only hope that in time it shall come true.?

We wish him the best in his future ventures, he will be sorely missed. If you wish to attain contact information from Paul please respond to this message.

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My time has come to move on from what I’ve known for so long. God is calling me to do things out of my capacity to understand and I must be ready and willing to accept what he has coming with open arms and legs ready to run. This was the first step, part of me wonders how I will change now that I?m unattached to something as massive and weighty as Midwest Skier, my heart is feeling so unburdened from this. I am finally able to relax and enjoy serving others and not worried about needing to do something for work. For the first time, in a very long time, I can sit down and read the bible and not feel rushed, I?m able to enjoy fellowship with people I love and not feel an obligation to do a certain amount of work a week.

This has been one of the hardest decisions I?ve had to come to in a very long time. Midwest Skier has sustained me in very difficult times and not without it? well things will be very different. Hopefully I?ll soon be able to go skiing without needing to worry about people recognizing me. Hopefully I?m not forgotten, I know it?s stupid but I just wish I had gotten more recognition for everything that I did, spending thousands of hours (easily in excess of 5000+ hours) over the past four years, I just wish that people would have said thank you more often and been more encouraging/supportive. This is right though, this is the right time and the right avenue to leave. I have to explore other facets of my life, need to discover more about myself and develop those skills further.

I?m sorry for those who feel like I?m leaving you high and dry, or who don?t understand the reason that I?ve gone about all this, the reasoning behind leaving four+ years of grueling work (even if I down played it while I was doing it, I worked harder then anyone will ever know) and a guaranteed position in the ski industry for something you may see as petty or not even true. I then ask you to look into my character and ask yourself again, if I would give up my identity (paul the skier) for something that I didn?t know with every ounce of my being was true and worth giving my life (my body, soul, ambition and dreams) for.

You’re prayers for my comfort and assurance are very much appreciated.

May God bless your heart,
~paul

In all my life I have never seen my life so clearly, I am standing just inside the door and am fully engulfed in the Love and grace the God is pouring down on me. I am soaking up the life he is giving me until even my lips are moist with the truth.

A truth that the world is trying so hard to avoid and not witness. That no matter how obvious God?s presence is in their lives that they will rationalize it in order to avoid the fact that He is real. Maybe you do know Him but yet turn a deaf ear towards his will for your life. You might not understand where and how he is leading you and then you are set out to accomplish your goals by earthly methods.

The truth is that He already knows what you are going to do and how you fit into the plan he has set forth. The only say in the matter you have is weather or not you answer His call on your heart or not. If you will become a servant or if you find it necessary to live a life pleasing to you.

You can accept His grace and your eternity with him and leave it at that. Quell the desire to serve Him to the fullest of your ability. Standing in selfishness, holding the one thing of this world that truly will matter in the next, keeping the word of God from those who long and desire to hear it. God not only longs for our fellowship but our hearts to be fulfilled with him and the work he sets out for us.

To love those around us with such passion and selflessness that it is unheard of on earth! I will strive to live me life to be pleasing to His eyes.

My posting is going to be a little light for the next two weeks as I have final projects, papers, and tests to be working on.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

My entire life has been lived never asking for much of anything. I don?t long for people to understand where I?m coming from or even who I am. Because I couldn?t understand where I am before I was standing here, and in all honesty I?m not sure that I could explain it to you in ways that you would understand (because you wouldn?t care to hear). I don?t expect you to understand my personal relationship with God, I don?t expect you to understand my faith and how clear it is in my eyes. Never will I ask you to understand how God works in my life, how He?s saved my life and how my heart longs for nothing more then to do His work.

How God shows me what I need to know of my future, how He allows me to see where I will be in five or ten years. When He shows me who I need to talk to or whom I need to avoid. I don?t expect you to understand how imperfect I am, my daily struggles in my walk with Him. I don?t think you would understand why I show love for you (even when it kills me inside to do so) or why I would drop everything for a stranger in need.

The only hope I have is that you will see this and wonder why and how. In time I hope you discover those answers.

See Through, ~paul

Resting here is a twisted soul. Whose muscles are pulled and bound as painfully as a never-ending ill intended courtship. Whose eyes are burnt red from reading into the word set before, sitting recessed hoping to rest, while looking deeper than you wish them to.

An exhausted mind looses hold of thoughts as seasons to earth. For this moment in time the strong appears all to real, a reality that shocks and startles the mirror. Who, until now, had not know it?s purpose and with this moment is fulfilled.

Steps follow with feet over rocks placed carefully years prior to my coming, only to press my feet against allowing me to make the last leg of a tireless journey.

This world is so harsh and trying. Pain constantly assaults me from all aspects. The grace of God gives me strength to live through another day. A power to see into the goodness of the soul of those I meet, and a satisfaction and comfort that are undeniably divine allowing me to live through anything for the one who sent me. Living through trials of my own or pursuing the will of God to the ends of the earth till the end of my life.

Resting here is a twisted soul, torn between the desires of an earthly man and the will of something greater then the world is willing to look for. Resting on this earth are souls torn and churning under the high suns ever watchful eyes, longing for them to look past this world into His heart.

See Through,
~paul

There is so much to write about but sadly there isn?t enough time. I am sitting here after dipping out of drawing class an hour early only with hopes that I will be able to get a leg up on the work I have to do today. Last weekend was the Kick off for Toulouse and it was awesome, I?m very ready to go now. Got my application into Matt and should know by next week (hopefully) if I?m going to be the Evangelism Team leader next year or not with Crusade here at Stout, I’ve got some big ideas if it happens. There will be several entries about them for sure.

Other then that I?m working on just under three hours of sleep today? I spent the greater portion of last night and early this morning writing an essay for my English class and have yet to put any paint on my design project due tomorrow. However I am making the most of my time and God has never failed me before.

Sorry this is so abbreviated but I seriously have no time, and I haven?t a meal in nineteen hours? Time to get my mail and some grub.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

To be honest this hasn?t really been something that I have put much of any thought into. The first time I ever heard of spiritual gifts was during our Youth Alpha retreat in high school. Teresa briefly touched on the subject when we were talking about the Holy Spirit and the power that he held. I remember listening to the list of gifts and thinking to myself, Paul you don?t have any of those, and that was fine with me. Since then I can honestly say that it has never crossed my mind again.

Today I brought my bible to design class because I knew I?d have about a half an hour while my primer set up and I could put the coat on the final side of my cube. When I sat down and opened up the Book I was flipping through and found my nametag from TCX (or maybe it was fall retreat, can?t remember) in between some pages. The first header I read was about Spiritual Gifts (1 Corinthians 12:1) and started reading. In all honesty I was freaking out. ?But everyone who prophesies speaks to men for their strengthening, encouragement and comfort? (1 Corinthians 14:3). Looking back on what I?ve been through before this makes all to much sense. Time and time again I?ve known things are going to happen before they do, I?ve had this ability to be there for people and helping them without knowing much of anything about them or their situation.

So now that I?ve been rambling here for the past paragraph I guess I?ll get to my point. I can no longer ignore what I know to be coming, for me and for others. I understand enough of where God needs me to be to know how to get there. While it?s comforting it is also a burden as well, it?s difficult to understand where I?m being led while not being able to see what will come of it. It?s hard for me to be able to tell so much about those around me but not be able to about myself. It?s a blessing to understand all this is through the grace of God. I only hope that I can learn to listen better.

If anyone reading this understands or has something similar going on please let me know.

Take care with God blessing your heart,
~paul

I?m also going to be downtown Minneapolis this weekend to Kickoff the summer project in Toulouse, France!! Heading down there with a bunch of the guys/gals going to brazil, I?m really looking forward to meeting the rest of the Toulouse team (I already know two of them through friends here, joy?s sister Sarah and britta?s old discipler Sherri?). Thank you so much for all you?re prayers and support, it means sooooo much and this wouldn?t be possible without them prayers!