Paul Prins

If a blue bird could sing
a song as sweet,
As the one you did,
when you spoke to me.

Maybe I would learn,
hang on every note and word,
to later silently relive
the beauty of what was heard.

But like the bird you left
filling my heart with regret,
leaving me sitting here
remembering what I’ll never forget.

Thinking about that night
when we talked till three,
how the skies opened up
poured out tears with me.

Thinking about that night
when we came to our end
How we both cared so much
yet didn’t try to mend

Thinking about that night
with our final hug,
torn and tattered hearts
slowly unfreezing time
with burning desire to understand

~paul prins 9/10/03

Life is constantly teaching us lessons; there are lessons that we leap out of the gate to share with others and then those dark secretive lessons. The ones that are taught to a part of us that we wish not to expose to the world and they end up shut inside out minds longing for an avenue to experience and enlighten. So often we’ll experience such polar emotions, our bodies broken so sharply that the simplistic and slightest shift brings out a beast we are striving to suppress. We make a decision to take a side of this internal conflict, this war raging through the fiber of our understanding and comprehension that allows us to suppress the other.

Every now and then the suppressed scream so loud that it resonates through your mind and thoughts till you have to allow it a similar appearing avenue to travel, except where no one will ever witness it. Where you will allow it to become feeling expressed to four cold hard walls and a pen whose scribbling motion longs to transcend the indescribable. It’s now been at least seven months since we parted ways, since I raged my hate through a pen into words hoping to cure my pain and hate (which I realize I haven’t posted here, or had and then deleted, so I’ll post that later).

This is what was suppressed, I longed for no one to see me and feel as if I still cared the world for her. I didn’t understand how I could and these words and emotions came out, leaving me so confused. Since then I’ve had the chance to grow and realized that you can be on both sides of the fence, I could deeply love someone and detest them at the same time. Here are my positive sentiments, the later will come with next entry tomorrow.

Take care and God bless,
~paul prins

For Immediate Release
4/27/04 15:13:10 CST

Paul Prins Steps Down From Midwest Skier

I, Paul Prins, am here by stepping down with my position at Midwest Skier. The website may be updated for next season, however I am now off the staff, and will not actively pursue event coverage/promotion/production.

The Midwest Skier Open has been postponed until further notice; any attempt to hold this event will result in legal action.

The website will now be maintained completely by the users/supporters of Midwest Skier. A section will be added allowing you to make donations, all website costs must be covered by donations. All print work and logos will be made public domain, allowing users to create/print/distribute the promotional material/s.

Paul Prins had this to say.

Read the rest of this entry »

In all my life I have never seen my life so clearly, I am standing just inside the door and am fully engulfed in the Love and grace the God is pouring down on me. I am soaking up the life he is giving me until even my lips are moist with the truth.

A truth that the world is trying so hard to avoid and not witness. That no matter how obvious God’s presence is in their lives that they will rationalize it in order to avoid the fact that He is real. Maybe you do know Him but yet turn a deaf ear towards his will for your life. You might not understand where and how he is leading you and then you are set out to accomplish your goals by earthly methods.

The truth is that He already knows what you are going to do and how you fit into the plan he has set forth. The only say in the matter you have is weather or not you answer His call on your heart or not. If you will become a servant or if you find it necessary to live a life pleasing to you.

You can accept His grace and your eternity with him and leave it at that. Quell the desire to serve Him to the fullest of your ability. Standing in selfishness, holding the one thing of this world that truly will matter in the next, keeping the word of God from those who long and desire to hear it. God not only longs for our fellowship but our hearts to be fulfilled with him and the work he sets out for us.

To love those around us with such passion and selflessness that it is unheard of on earth! I will strive to live me life to be pleasing to His eyes.

My posting is going to be a little light for the next two weeks as I have final projects, papers, and tests to be working on.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

My entire life has been lived never asking for much of anything. I don?t long for people to understand where I?m coming from or even who I am. Because I couldn?t understand where I am before I was standing here, and in all honesty I?m not sure that I could explain it to you in ways that you would understand (because you wouldn?t care to hear). I don?t expect you to understand my personal relationship with God, I don?t expect you to understand my faith and how clear it is in my eyes. Never will I ask you to understand how God works in my life, how He?s saved my life and how my heart longs for nothing more then to do His work.

How God shows me what I need to know of my future, how He allows me to see where I will be in five or ten years. When He shows me who I need to talk to or whom I need to avoid. I don?t expect you to understand how imperfect I am, my daily struggles in my walk with Him. I don?t think you would understand why I show love for you (even when it kills me inside to do so) or why I would drop everything for a stranger in need.

The only hope I have is that you will see this and wonder why and how. In time I hope you discover those answers.

See Through, ~paul

Resting here is a twisted soul. Whose muscles are pulled and bound as painfully as a never-ending ill intended courtship. Whose eyes are burnt red from reading into the word set before, sitting recessed hoping to rest, while looking deeper than you wish them to.

An exhausted mind looses hold of thoughts as seasons to earth. For this moment in time the strong appears all to real, a reality that shocks and startles the mirror. Who, until now, had not know it’s purpose and with this moment is fulfilled.

Steps follow with feet over rocks placed carefully years prior to my coming, only to press my feet against allowing me to make the last leg of a tireless journey.

This world is so harsh and trying. Pain constantly assaults me from all aspects. The grace of God gives me strength to live through another day. A power to see into the goodness of the soul of those I meet, and a satisfaction and comfort that are undeniably divine allowing me to live through anything for the one who sent me. Living through trials of my own or pursuing the will of God to the ends of the earth till the end of my life.

Resting here is a twisted soul, torn between the desires of an earthly man and the will of something greater then the world is willing to look for. Resting on this earth are souls torn and churning under the high suns ever watchful eyes, longing for them to look past this world into His heart.

See Through,
~paul

There is so much to write about but sadly there isn?t enough time. I am sitting here after dipping out of drawing class an hour early only with hopes that I will be able to get a leg up on the work I have to do today. Last weekend was the Kick off for Toulouse and it was awesome, I?m very ready to go now. Got my application into Matt and should know by next week (hopefully) if I?m going to be the Evangelism Team leader next year or not with Crusade here at Stout, I’ve got some big ideas if it happens. There will be several entries about them for sure.

Other then that I?m working on just under three hours of sleep today? I spent the greater portion of last night and early this morning writing an essay for my English class and have yet to put any paint on my design project due tomorrow. However I am making the most of my time and God has never failed me before.

Sorry this is so abbreviated but I seriously have no time, and I haven?t a meal in nineteen hours? Time to get my mail and some grub.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

To be honest this hasn’t really been something that I have put much of any thought into. The first time I ever heard of spiritual gifts was during our Youth Alpha retreat in high school. Teresa briefly touched on the subject when we were talking about the Holy Spirit and the power that he held. I remember listening to the list of gifts and thinking to myself, Paul you don’t have any of those, and that was fine with me. Since then I can honestly say that it has never crossed my mind again.

Today I brought my bible to design class because I knew I’d have about a half an hour while my primer set up and I could put the coat on the final side of my cube. When I sat down and opened up the Book I was flipping through and found my nametag from TCX (or maybe it was fall retreat, can’t remember) in between some pages. The first header I read was about Spiritual Gifts (1 Corinthians 12:1) and started reading. In all honesty I was freaking out. “But everyone who prophesies speaks to men for their strengthening, encouragement and comfort” (1 Corinthians 14:3). Looking back on what I’ve been through before this makes all to much sense. Time and time again I’ve known things are going to happen before they do, I’ve had this ability to be there for people and helping them without knowing much of anything about them or their situation.

So now that I’ve been rambling here for the past paragraph I guess I’ll get to my point. I can no longer ignore what I know to be coming, for me and for others. I understand enough of where God needs me to be to know how to get there. While it’s comforting it is also a burden as well, it’s difficult to understand where I’m being led while not being able to see what will come of it. It’s hard for me to be able to tell so much about those around me but not be able to about myself. It’s a blessing to understand all this is through the grace of God. I only hope that I can learn to listen better.

If anyone reading this understands or has something similar going on please let me know.

Take care with God blessing your heart,
~paul

I’m also going to be downtown Minneapolis this weekend to Kickoff the summer project in Toulouse, France!! Heading down there with a bunch of the guys/gals going to brazil, I’m really looking forward to meeting the rest of the Toulouse team (I already know two of them through friends here, joy’s sister Sarah and britta’s old discipler Sherri). Thank you so much for all you’re prayers and support, it means sooooo much and this wouldn’t be possible without them prayers!

Have I really changed inside? It?s a question that only I?m able to answer but I feel like working through it in this forum where others might be able to relate to me and what I?m going through in my mind.

I am different today then I was a month ago, there is no question about that. I?ve experienced things that have changed me and modified how I view life and myself. There have been people whom have impacted my life and who have recently become a part of it. Things have happened that I couldn?t have foreseen and defiantly didn?t fully comprehend at the time and now am battling to understand.

I?ve made many changes inside, my attitude towards women has improved again, and my understanding of how physical a dating relationship has been shifted drastically. There are several things I have done in the past that will not be done again until after marriage, fortunately I?m still a virgin, although some guys at college don?t seem to understand that, eh not saving myself for them, only for myself and God.

There is also the matter that I used to know the direction my life was headed. When I was home over spring break I could have told you exactly where and what I would be doing at the conclusion of college. Now I am speechless. It might be that I am feeling trapped and unsure of how I want to spend the rest of my life. There are these passions and interests that I want to pursue to the fullest before I set them aside. Things like writing, photography, youth ministry, full time ministry, marketing, event production, film post-production, philosophy, and I?m sure in a month there will be something else added to that list. I?m feeling trapped by the fact that I?m started to become trained in the arts, which is invaluable because it is where I am lacking the most knowledge.

So here I am, sitting/running, only wondering if I will be able to achieve something on the outside of art/advertising/marketing at the end of my time here. I won?t lie, the thought of switching majors has crossed my mind, even switching schools (for which I have a long ?blue? list). It just feels as if this is where I?m meant to be, the people and programs fall into place so well here. Maybe after this summer in France and next semester without skiing (which I have resigned from) will help me to further understand. Needless to say, I?m tired of waiting?

Take care and my God continue to bless you tomorrow.
~paul

Read this in a BBC Talkback article, ?Europe is already defeated. You may as well run-up the white flag and make it official! Bin Laden gauges Europe correctly! Weak, soft, impotent, decadent, etc.? hahahaha. Onto my post.

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All honor is lost on a person who?s never experienced it. The concept is so inconceivable and, sometimes, ghastly. The concept of honor is based in a hard set of morals, holding yourself to such a high standard that you would and will impose self punishment for acting immoral or acting out of what you need to do in order to reach a set goal. To dishonor yourself, your family, or (worst of all) your God are all unacceptable.

Why has honor gone the way of so many other traditions (such as chivalry)? Though for different reasons then chivalry (which has much to do with the women?s rights movement and the slipping of men?s understands of man?s role in society) they are both recent occurrences in our culture. There is a growing sentiment in America that we are a self made people, that everything that happens to us or for us comes about because of some chain of actions we set in motion. If it were set in motion only a short while ago, or years past, we are Directly responsible for our lives and their outcome.

If our lives are run on the assumption that we are living a self-made life then we are only letting ourselves down when we fail to meet expectations. This does two things; it increases the chances for depression and feelings if diminished self worth, and removes the needs for honor in our society. Being self-made implies that we are self-dependant from others both in reliance and dependence, as reliance and dependence are interwoven. Without needing anyone but yourself you are then removed from any responsibility for the wellbeing for others. That responsibility is what drives honor, you would go to extreme measures to assure you wouldn?t dishonor your family, especially your parents, and even greater measure to not dishonor God.

After recently watching ?House of Sand and Fog? this has become so increasingly clear. The ending of that movie was truly a beautiful representation of what it means to be Honorable. Ben Kingsly transcends the feels and attitude perfectly. I wish I had been raised with a larger sense of honor then I have, respect I hold in immense quantities, but respect is not honor.

Take care and may God continue to bless your soul in your daily walk,
~paul

If milk had alcohol in it, I would be so messed up right now? haha

I don?t know what I?m doing. It?s nearly one in the morning and I?m sitting here while my mind spins around uncontrollably. My entire life I?ve never asked for much of anything, only to understand and feel cared for. That longing has nearly driven me mad at points, where I couldn?t seem to understand. Mad to the point of introverting my senses inward with hopes of discovering something that I?m missing. That the missing piece to this internal mess lies with who I am and what I can?t seem to understand or accept about that.

It?s a gift to be able to see beauty in others, to be able to see it in everyone you meet on the street. With a casual pass lacking any sort of conversation, yet it is so hard to truly convince myself of what I am. For so long I?ve tried and at times, successfully, and right now feeling as if I haven?t. There are so many things that hold me back from accepting that, from accepting who I am rather than what I?ve become? It?s not that I don?t understand who I am, or that I?m not content where I am, only that it seems as though I will constantly want something more for myself. As if chasing a bar that is moving away just as fast as I can reach it, at some point will I not be able to jump any higher?

At times in life we need people to show us our amazing traits and to be blessed by those around us. Essentially wiping away the fog resting and slowly building upon our mirror and window into our soul. That?s what we have and need friends for, to clear our minds from the clutter and fog that will build and clog our thoughts. My actions will continue to run true because of a heart I?m told is gentle and loving. Sometimes it?s just hart to tell for whom.

This post is a combination of things cumulating tonight while I watched ?House of Sand and Fog,? which is a very good film. It?s good I realize what?s going on at times. For those of you concerned, thank you, but I should be alright with the rise of the sun upon my soul.

Take care and God bless,
~paul prins