PaulPrins.net

Have I really changed inside? It?s a question that only I?m able to answer but I feel like working through it in this forum where others might be able to relate to me and what I?m going through in my mind.

I am different today then I was a month ago, there is no question about that. I?ve experienced things that have changed me and modified how I view life and myself. There have been people whom have impacted my life and who have recently become a part of it. Things have happened that I couldn?t have foreseen and defiantly didn?t fully comprehend at the time and now am battling to understand.

I?ve made many changes inside, my attitude towards women has improved again, and my understanding of how physical a dating relationship has been shifted drastically. There are several things I have done in the past that will not be done again until after marriage, fortunately I?m still a virgin, although some guys at college don?t seem to understand that, eh not saving myself for them, only for myself and God.

There is also the matter that I used to know the direction my life was headed. When I was home over spring break I could have told you exactly where and what I would be doing at the conclusion of college. Now I am speechless. It might be that I am feeling trapped and unsure of how I want to spend the rest of my life. There are these passions and interests that I want to pursue to the fullest before I set them aside. Things like writing, photography, youth ministry, full time ministry, marketing, event production, film post-production, philosophy, and I?m sure in a month there will be something else added to that list. I?m feeling trapped by the fact that I?m started to become trained in the arts, which is invaluable because it is where I am lacking the most knowledge.

So here I am, sitting/running, only wondering if I will be able to achieve something on the outside of art/advertising/marketing at the end of my time here. I won?t lie, the thought of switching majors has crossed my mind, even switching schools (for which I have a long ?blue? list). It just feels as if this is where I?m meant to be, the people and programs fall into place so well here. Maybe after this summer in France and next semester without skiing (which I have resigned from) will help me to further understand. Needless to say, I?m tired of waiting?

Take care and my God continue to bless you tomorrow.
~paul

Read this in a BBC Talkback article, ?Europe is already defeated. You may as well run-up the white flag and make it official! Bin Laden gauges Europe correctly! Weak, soft, impotent, decadent, etc.? hahahaha. Onto my post.

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All honor is lost on a person who?s never experienced it. The concept is so inconceivable and, sometimes, ghastly. The concept of honor is based in a hard set of morals, holding yourself to such a high standard that you would and will impose self punishment for acting immoral or acting out of what you need to do in order to reach a set goal. To dishonor yourself, your family, or (worst of all) your God are all unacceptable.

Why has honor gone the way of so many other traditions (such as chivalry)? Though for different reasons then chivalry (which has much to do with the women?s rights movement and the slipping of men?s understands of man?s role in society) they are both recent occurrences in our culture. There is a growing sentiment in America that we are a self made people, that everything that happens to us or for us comes about because of some chain of actions we set in motion. If it were set in motion only a short while ago, or years past, we are Directly responsible for our lives and their outcome.

If our lives are run on the assumption that we are living a self-made life then we are only letting ourselves down when we fail to meet expectations. This does two things; it increases the chances for depression and feelings if diminished self worth, and removes the needs for honor in our society. Being self-made implies that we are self-dependant from others both in reliance and dependence, as reliance and dependence are interwoven. Without needing anyone but yourself you are then removed from any responsibility for the wellbeing for others. That responsibility is what drives honor, you would go to extreme measures to assure you wouldn?t dishonor your family, especially your parents, and even greater measure to not dishonor God.

After recently watching ?House of Sand and Fog? this has become so increasingly clear. The ending of that movie was truly a beautiful representation of what it means to be Honorable. Ben Kingsly transcends the feels and attitude perfectly. I wish I had been raised with a larger sense of honor then I have, respect I hold in immense quantities, but respect is not honor.

Take care and may God continue to bless your soul in your daily walk,
~paul