Paul Prins

Well it’s now been a couple days and I feel so at home. Like I’ve lived here for years (although at times I stumble on the language but I know more then enough to get by and to have some quazi-in-depth conversations) and it’s really only been 3-4 days. We did the tourist stuff already and got it out of the way. Saw the sites of Toulouse, France that included the capitol, two churches (one which held the body of St. Thomas Aquinas (sp)), and a former dye traders courtyards. All and all it was pretty amusing, although this city is older then I expected it to be, apparently it was built by the Romans which explains a lot with how it is laid out.

Aside from that, we’ve just been getting ready for this week. Yesterday during deciplship time the guys headed up to the University of Toulouse Mirail and walked around campus, found the resto (commons), did some research as to what majors are there and what is around, the general upkeep of the facilities, made note of the types of posters and where the events took place, and realized it was just as dead on a Saturday as our campuses are back home.

Had our first CSS (Chief Stake Seekers), or evangelism team meeting Saturday as well. It will be pretty awesome this summer being involved in that. We are all super passionate about this city and about what is going on here. Then to be in a position where we can help organize and run the events that the team will be doing is even more of an honor. For those of you out there praying for us, it would be a good thing to pray for our understanding, wisdom, and boldness as a team in the planning and execution of events for the French students. That we are coming with a servants heart and meeting their needs, not our own.

Other then that life is amazing here. I’m probably going to buy another pair of pants sometime this week. Went to my first ever catholic mass here (en François!) and I must say that I wouldn’t mind if I never went again. It is to trenched in tradition for me, if you would have taken out the light bulbs in Saint-Sernin along with the speakers/microphones it would have probably been the same Pentecostal service they did in the 1400′s? Not that it’s bad but it just doesn’t do anything for me. Though trying to sing the doxology in French was kind of fun. I’m really looking forward to my quiet time with the lord because this morning didn’t do it for me. Need some spirit in me before tomorrow.

There isn’t a whole lot else to say, I’m in love with my team. They have to be the perfect blend of people to have here in france, even if at times I may not understand how or think so. God tends to know better than me and I need to remember that. Probably won’t post much this week, will try to once. If you need me or have a question/request email me. I have a phone but am not giving out the number and don’t feel like calling the states as then I need to stay up late because of the seven hour difference.

May God bless your heart and soul till I see you again,
~paul

We’re HERE!!! And how surreal it feels, the time difference really isn’t getting to any of us, I believe that to be because of our super long travel day that didn’t end until later at night. It was something like 30 hours of travel in a row (we got to the Catholic Foyer around 8pm the next day after leaving at 8am the previous and then you need to take out seven hours for time zones). The room is more then I ever could have asked for. It’s actually bigger then my room was at Stout, has an in room bathroom/shower, two large closets (for my four shirts and three pairs of pants? haha) and it’s only for me’ that’s right we somehow got single rooms. There is one weird point to it, that it is an all womens facility. The only men in the entire building are Adam, Pav, Eric, Taylor, and myself and that obviously brings up some issues, although I don’t see them having any holding power. I love all those guys and we’re all in love with the Lord so we should be fine.

This morning we had breakfast (baguette and jam with hot chocolate) and then did a scavenger hunt around town. Needless to say I got in some really solid walking. I also decided that when/if I come back on STINT that I’ll get a moped and sell it at the end of my time here. Grabbed some lunch at some random café near the capitol and then came back to the Foyer for some prayer time and then down time. Just waiting for two of the ladies to swing by the room and then am going to the internet café for some coffee. I’m excited, my first cup of French coffee.

Well I love it here and to be honest it will be hard to leave come 6 weeks from now. I knew it would be but I never really imagined it like this. Also there is no need to worry about photos, I’ve taken almost 180 already and will put some of the better ones up in the gallery as I take them and have access to the internet (about twice a week, there is a room in our building with access but I’m not here to worry about posting pictures on the internet, I’m here to bring other beggars to the source of the bread).

God Bless,
~paul

Well we made it and this keyboqrd is crazy so I will write more later.

Sitting tranquilly next to the person I used to be. This room, my bedroom at my parents house, surrounds and encompasses me, representing a life and person I used to live and be. There are things here, which I used to hold so dear to my heart, of a life I?ve moved past. Nothing-in particular, but just the general nostalgia of this room, yea that?s what it is. It?s as though this room holds some presence of a person who is no longer in line with who I am. There are so many things here that were put in place to comfort me, to try to give me what I, now, already feel through every part of my body every moment of the day.

People have so many miss-conceptions of what evangelism is and don?t understand what it is we?ll be doing in France this summer. So often the ?E? word is greeted with hostility because of the history behind it. What we?re going to be doing in France is learning as much about them as they will be about us. Posing questions to get them to think about the world, we are so blessed to live in, differently. To challenge their ideas and beliefs with questions because they are in a culture where there is no challenge. There is no one to even suggest the idea that they may be off base. Some of them will be receptive to it and God will do great work upon their hearts that we?ll help in facilitating where needed. To make sure they understand the answers to the questions God had placed in their minds and hearts that will lead them to Him. Then, if God is willing, to be there to guide them to Him in their forming of that personal relationship.

There is another whole aspect of discipleship and training that I?ll receive. I know this is not the main reason we are over there, but in all honesty I am probably looking forward to this the most. I?ve never formally been a disciple in that learning process and am really looking forward to it. It?ll be nice to have someone who will have time set aside for me who I can bounce ideas off with and really share my heart with. That someone who?ll put me into uncomfortable situations that challenge my faith and trust in God. That I will know what discipleship will look like so this next year I will have something to emulate on campus in the discipleships I will be setting up.

May I continue to wear the cloak of humility, and remember that we are all beggars looking for substance and fulfillment. The lord has blessed me with the source of bread and I can?t wait to share that with others. That is why I?ve been called to France and is why I forwent my summer to go.

May God keep you within his embrace again tomorrow,
until toulouse ~paul

So I?ve been home a whole week now and I?m already angling to leave. I guess that my assumptions that my family would see me as different and changed, as grown in faith, were unfounded and unrealistic. My mom still looks at me the same as I was when I left, still talks to me the same, still tries to get me wrapped up in petty things of this world that are only here to distract us. If it?s Kyle?s recent band melodrama, other parents, or whatever else.

More then anything I wish the people around me could see what I?ve been called to do. I thought that more then anyone else, they would be encouraging me and pushing me forward instead of trying to hang on and hold me back. They don?t need to know if I?m ready or not, they don?t even need to be sure that the path I?m on is the right one. I need them to trust me and re-affirm my faith even if they don?t see it, because I do. I?ve sold out to God and now have nothing of my own. They need to see that and accept it. I will love them until the end of days but wish I knew how long it will be until they understand. This world and life means nothing, I?ve been entrusted with gifts beyond my comprehension and will not use them for my gain or for myself.

I wish that they could feel what I do inside so that they would gain understanding. If they could feel the humility and gratitude I hold, and how I?m trying to hard to be submissive. Do I expect them to understand? No. Do I expect them to support me? Nope. Do I expect them to try to see through my eyes? Yes.

I?m sorry if this comes across as boastful or arrogant, it is meant to be none of those. I?m just fed up with people not understanding. The reason I?m at Stout is to grow in my Faith to levels I can?t fathom right now, the reason I?m going to France is to be witness to people and to grow in my faith. To learn how to listen to the Lord and to prove my willingness to serve Him to myself. My relationship with God is between the two of us, I just wish they could see part of that intimacy. More then anything it pains me to see them still looking down on me rather then eye to eye, I?m not a kid anymore physically or spiritually, and they should treat me as such.

God bless,
~paul

Sitting here tonight I am forced to reflect upon my fait and understanding. I?m forced to accept what I?ve taken upon myself. Realizing that those, even those closest to me, may never understand what it is that I am doing. How hard is it for someone to see the roll they should have played in God?s kingdom when they walked past the doors that were swung wide open for them. He has this uncanny way of closing the doors after you?ve walked past them and then having them turn up in someone else?s life. Being that I am one of the lucky few that has heard Him and seen the doors early in my life, I have a very unique opportunity to worship God through my life. I have the opportunity to spend my life living for His work no matter where and what it is.

I guess the hardest part for me isn?t the understanding of what it is I am meant to do. I?ve been blessed with gifts that allow me to do that. The hardest part for me is being able to get past what others close to me think. I spend so much of my time looking for affirmation that I know I am being hung up by it. Also I realize that I shouldn?t be, for some reason God is constantly affirming me and what I?m doing, making me feel so guilty and unworthy since I?m looking for something more. At the same time it is so humbling for me to realize that position that I?m in, that He?s put me in. To know that every day the rest of my life will be blessed, and that my days in eternity will be so boundless and blessed.

The hardest thing for me to do is talk to those closest to me about God. What is there to say, they think they know me so well and they all seem so set in stone. Seem to set in their ways even when I see Him changing their hearts and forcing them to think about religion. It?s just hard for me to accept that God is going to use me all over the world to help people and to bring people to know him, but those who I love most here on earth are not my responsibility. To be a model, the best I can, of Christianity, of someone who loves God more then anything else in the world and to show what that relationship could look like (as there are many ways it can take form and I can only represent mine).

My two biggest regrets would be my relationship with my dad. He just doesn?t seem to want to accept where I?m heading with my life and what God is calling me to do. It?s so frustrating because, for some stupid reason or another, I still look up to him even though I feel as though he?s let me down time and time again by not really encouraging me or pushing me into my passions. In this case, he?s not pushing me into God?s passion for me and it would be nice because it?s hard enough to do on my own. The other regret is how I?ve treated kessia. I feel like I completely left her high and dry. I don?t think she realizes how often I wondered how she was doing, or what she was up to. For some reason or another I got it in my mind that it would be better to not call and find out, as if it would be harder on her to actually talk to me. It sounds so stupid and trite of me, but somehow it was logical in my mind last year at school and now I just feel so out of place. I don?t want to feel out of place. I would and will go to the ends of the world her and I?m not so sure she believes that anymore and that kills me inside. I only hope she doesn?t feel like I failed her.

with that somber sentiment?

May God bless your heart tomorrow,
~paul

Had coffee with sarah rose today, had it with matt johnson last night. Probably having it with rachel tonight. Needless to say, life is good when it comes to coffee. Mmmmmm coffee. Now I only need to find time ot see kessia and alex and I?ll be more then ready to go to France on Sunday. Speaking of which, I have almost everything I need for the trip now. Only need to get a phrase book/dictionary, colored socks, and a rain coat. Not to bad, and I?ve raised all but about $300 of my support for the trip. Needless to say I?ve been blessed beyond belief for this trip!! I will write more later when I can collect my thoughts more.

take care and God bless,
~paul

So it?s been almost non-stop since I got back from college and hasn?t left me nearly any time to sit down and write something here. Sorry in advance for the lack of depth or provoking writing. I?m tired and want to get to my book.

I?ve had an awesome time since I?ve gotten back and have been able to spend a lot of time out with friends. I think today is the first time I haven?t had spent with friends from home. Sunday went out to lunch with the Bulies from church, and then spent the afternoon/evening with Tara. Saturday I spent working mostly around home and then in the afternoon went to cantabury with Johnson to watch the preakness. Friday I spent with Carissa Kay and the rest of the goertz?s, even got to see Katie which I haven?t in a really long time. Thursday was the first full day I had home, caught a movie with dad and then caught another movie with some of the guys that I hadn?t seen in a very long time.

It?s quite surreal being here right now. Knowing that in a week I will be falling asleep for the last time in America for over a month and a half. Realizing how much there is left to do yet how little time there truly is for it all to take place. It?s hard to realize and fathom the impact that I will have on the people I?ll meet, it?s even harder to realize what kind of an impact this trip is going to have on me.

I also have yet to tell my dad my true intention with the changing of the major, he has yet to admit to himself that I am going into ministry. I?ve talked with a couple people about it, and as much as he would wish, the words he tells me have little effect. I guess that?s what happens when you grow up with him as a distant figure and are forced to look elsewhere, it becomes increasingly hard to turn back and I?m at a point in my life where I don?t see myself looking for guidance from him with major life decisions anymore. A lot of this has to do with the progression of relational development and realizing that I was forced to take a major jump forward a couple years ago because the system that should have been in place wasn?t. Don?t get me wrong, I love my dad to death, but the point where he (both him and my mom actually, though she has always been there and is still very supportive) is a major influence on my life is past gone and I just wish he would be supportive of what I?m doing and where God is taking me.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

also, I just finished some script that runs a phpPhotoGallery so I will probably be implementing that over the next couple days as well. It?s pretty sweet for sure.

If I could have one moment to hold to my heart for the rest of my life I would want it to be with you. Of the two of us dancing into all hours and holding on to something that we can?t describe, holding onto a moment that is slipping away. Slowly taking you into my arms and throwing you there only to bring you back to stop you here, looking deep into your eyes to see your soul, so pure that my energy spikes and you start to twirl.

We both understand that with the rising of the sun we must go our separate ways, as the hours wear off the clock we quicken the pace with hopes of getting in more in what is left of this waning night. As the sky starts to lighten we slow down accepting the fate that tomorrow will bring. Only hoping to?.

—————————————
I lost all of this perfect night
feasting my heart upon your eyes
to the begging of lips so tender
hopes of something that will never
last into tomorrow?

I heard the stars were never brighter
but don?t recall how they looked
as the night melted gently away
into the presence you convey
lasts into tomorrow?

I lost last night in you
and
I lost you with the night
—————————————
man I wish I actually had someone to write about, I might actually feel passion for my words instead of desire and longing. In any event, next time I post I will probably be home from school. God bless!!

~paul

so i’ve been pretty busy lately wrapping up school and getting ready for France this summer. Life is just flying by and I need to make sure that I am taking the time to stop and enjoy it. this is the closest I’ve been to feeling stressed out lately. Just a couple projects all comming together here at the end of the semester. I wish I could say I was still giving 100% in my art classes but now that I know i’m changing majors… yea can’t say that I am. I am still pushing myself and trying to make very confident marks on the paper, but the drive I had to truly excell is dwindling with these art classes.

On the other hand, I’m super excited for switching to service managment, my new major. I haven’t offically switched yet but Jay talked to the advisor about me and he is looking forward to meeting me. It’s crazy to think about how God placed me here and how my life has changed because of that. To try to fathom how different my life would have been if EPHS hadn’t mailed my application into USC late and i would have gone out there. Whenever I think of it to that point I always just become humbled and realize that i know nothing of the plan that He has for me and I’m only shown what i need to know when I need to know it.

For the moment I’m getting super pumped up for the E-team and getting that off and running so that we hit the ground this fall at full speed. It’s going to be a lot different but I’m receiving a lot of support from the people on servent team for what it will look like and what it will do for the campus and the movement.

On a side note, also had a last lunch with scott and doug today. It was nice since I don’t get to see much of scott anymore. It’ll be nice living next to them next year, I just hope that our other neighbor isn’t really bad… I guess it was kind of nice to have a corner room in that sense, only one neighbor to worry about. I will post more once I get some sleep and finish up these drawings… blah.

see through ~ paul