PaulPrins.net

So it?s been almost non-stop since I got back from college and hasn?t left me nearly any time to sit down and write something here. Sorry in advance for the lack of depth or provoking writing. I?m tired and want to get to my book.

I?ve had an awesome time since I?ve gotten back and have been able to spend a lot of time out with friends. I think today is the first time I haven?t had spent with friends from home. Sunday went out to lunch with the Bulies from church, and then spent the afternoon/evening with Tara. Saturday I spent working mostly around home and then in the afternoon went to cantabury with Johnson to watch the preakness. Friday I spent with Carissa Kay and the rest of the goertz?s, even got to see Katie which I haven?t in a really long time. Thursday was the first full day I had home, caught a movie with dad and then caught another movie with some of the guys that I hadn?t seen in a very long time.

It?s quite surreal being here right now. Knowing that in a week I will be falling asleep for the last time in America for over a month and a half. Realizing how much there is left to do yet how little time there truly is for it all to take place. It?s hard to realize and fathom the impact that I will have on the people I?ll meet, it?s even harder to realize what kind of an impact this trip is going to have on me.

I also have yet to tell my dad my true intention with the changing of the major, he has yet to admit to himself that I am going into ministry. I?ve talked with a couple people about it, and as much as he would wish, the words he tells me have little effect. I guess that?s what happens when you grow up with him as a distant figure and are forced to look elsewhere, it becomes increasingly hard to turn back and I?m at a point in my life where I don?t see myself looking for guidance from him with major life decisions anymore. A lot of this has to do with the progression of relational development and realizing that I was forced to take a major jump forward a couple years ago because the system that should have been in place wasn?t. Don?t get me wrong, I love my dad to death, but the point where he (both him and my mom actually, though she has always been there and is still very supportive) is a major influence on my life is past gone and I just wish he would be supportive of what I?m doing and where God is taking me.

Take care and God bless,
~paul

also, I just finished some script that runs a phpPhotoGallery so I will probably be implementing that over the next couple days as well. It?s pretty sweet for sure.

If I could have one moment to hold to my heart for the rest of my life I would want it to be with you. Of the two of us dancing into all hours and holding on to something that we can?t describe, holding onto a moment that is slipping away. Slowly taking you into my arms and throwing you there only to bring you back to stop you here, looking deep into your eyes to see your soul, so pure that my energy spikes and you start to twirl.

We both understand that with the rising of the sun we must go our separate ways, as the hours wear off the clock we quicken the pace with hopes of getting in more in what is left of this waning night. As the sky starts to lighten we slow down accepting the fate that tomorrow will bring. Only hoping to?.

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I lost all of this perfect night
feasting my heart upon your eyes
to the begging of lips so tender
hopes of something that will never
last into tomorrow?

I heard the stars were never brighter
but don?t recall how they looked
as the night melted gently away
into the presence you convey
lasts into tomorrow?

I lost last night in you
and
I lost you with the night
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man I wish I actually had someone to write about, I might actually feel passion for my words instead of desire and longing. In any event, next time I post I will probably be home from school. God bless!!

~paul

so i’ve been pretty busy lately wrapping up school and getting ready for France this summer. Life is just flying by and I need to make sure that I am taking the time to stop and enjoy it. this is the closest I’ve been to feeling stressed out lately. Just a couple projects all comming together here at the end of the semester. I wish I could say I was still giving 100% in my art classes but now that I know i’m changing majors… yea can’t say that I am. I am still pushing myself and trying to make very confident marks on the paper, but the drive I had to truly excell is dwindling with these art classes.

On the other hand, I’m super excited for switching to service managment, my new major. I haven’t offically switched yet but Jay talked to the advisor about me and he is looking forward to meeting me. It’s crazy to think about how God placed me here and how my life has changed because of that. To try to fathom how different my life would have been if EPHS hadn’t mailed my application into USC late and i would have gone out there. Whenever I think of it to that point I always just become humbled and realize that i know nothing of the plan that He has for me and I’m only shown what i need to know when I need to know it.

For the moment I’m getting super pumped up for the E-team and getting that off and running so that we hit the ground this fall at full speed. It’s going to be a lot different but I’m receiving a lot of support from the people on servent team for what it will look like and what it will do for the campus and the movement.

On a side note, also had a last lunch with scott and doug today. It was nice since I don’t get to see much of scott anymore. It’ll be nice living next to them next year, I just hope that our other neighbor isn’t really bad… I guess it was kind of nice to have a corner room in that sense, only one neighbor to worry about. I will post more once I get some sleep and finish up these drawings… blah.

see through ~ paul

Quietly, slowly, and ever so softly the pressing persists. Each moment in time a sense of euphoria overruns your mind. So rhythmically the waves lap at you and brush up against your feet. Slowly caressing your ankles before receding back to the sea, before feeling in the footprints left by sand quietly, slowly, and ever so softly pressing through your toes. Gently raising your eyes from here to the horizon, catching the ruby tones racing across the sky, deep violets and ambers pulling you forward, and leading you to something more. Leading your feet that press on, leaving depressions upon the sand, and marks to be seen by those to come.

Against the lapping of the waves upon the sand, the steps you?ve taken become filled ever so slowly with the passing of time and sliding of grains. Slowly the depressions shallow and raise up until the light that is skimming across the water can hardly notice what was there. The waves work over and over the sand behind us, each print left so firmly in the sand. Within minutes the sand is washed over and removed any trace that we were there.

The crimson sky envelops my soul, leading me forward, pressing me onward, and paving a trail for me to follow. The Lord guides my feet and comforts my heart as we walk into the waning stages of the sunlit sky, keeping my mind forward and my eyes open to more than this world. As we walk down the shore, with the water gently lapping at our feet, I notice the reminisce of what was before me, of those who were before me. The miraculous work done that allows me to walk this far, that allow the sand to quietly, slowly, and ever so softly press up through my toes with each and every step I?ve taken.

Around me now, as twilight slowly ascends upon the sky, the shore loses her soft sand and lapping waves. Bringing me to the place where my hands must work, the place where my heart understands, where my mind sees the vision before me, and I am meant to be. We go to work with guidance and strength, pushing forward the shoreline we?ve been so blessed to walk upon. Creating another step today, with sand so soft your hands fall through it as though it didn?t exist.

Working for Him who sent me until the day when my work is done. Then I walk only slightly further into His arms and watch as the next worker comes to the place where the waves had slowly filled in the prints I left, and moved the sand back to where it should rest. Unnoticeably, my marks disappeared, but the work of my hands will remain for an eternity, even if it goes unseen by those who are transfixed upon the setting sun and the glory of the twilight just as I was, and those before me were. And He smiles down upon each new worker.

So a few weeks ago I filled out an application to be the Evangelism Team leader for Campus Crusade here at UW ? Stout and well? I got it!! I?m super excited by this and at the same time so humbled. It?s weird, I was half way expecting to just be overjoyed and bouncing around the room, but rather my face was overcome with this huge smile when Derek told me and my heart felt so humbled. I am so grateful and ready, but at the same time the task seems so large and will really require my dependence upon the Lord and the support from those around me.

I?m relieved to finally know now; I have some major plans for the team and just how it?s going to be set up. Hopefully letting us reach more people where they need to be reached at. I?m probably the most excited about getting guys/gals in cru to feel more ownership over the movement. Getting them to really grab hold of a part of it and helping to stretch and grow them in their faith. I am worried about the obstacles that I?ll be confronted with, but it is nothing that I won?t be able to overcome with the grace and strength of God.

One thing I was kind of disappointed with was when jay mentioned that I shouldn?t lead bible study next year, I was really looking forward to that but understand the reasoning. Allowing me to not be over stretched and more importantly, allowing the opening of a position that someone else can step into and take ownership of. I will still probably be disciplining some guys next year and doing that E-Team thing. I?m sure you guys will be hearing more about that in the future, as it will take up a lot of my time next year I?m sure.

Well needless to say that?s been the most exciting news of late in my life. In the final days now before I leave for Project!! I just realized how much God has been running me around lately and it?s awesome! Ain?t nothing in life like a life for the Lord!

take care and God Bless,
~paul

p.s. I?m also working on a new gallery script that I?ll probably implement before I go to France this summer, so yea, be looking for that. Will let me upload photos and manage galleries while I?m abroad if I can find an internet connection. Pretty sweet

Red Sand

The tide has gone out to sea
taken everyone but me.
So I sit here alone and cold,
staring at the moon
longing for you to hold.
Night breaks into day,
everything still at bay.
I shutter with that warmth
as fingers dig into open wounds
left by you.
Pretending to hang on
before you had left and gone.
Salt water now burns my flesh
in the wounds you left.
Leaving me sitting on blood stained sand
waiting for someone who?ll understand
the pain of the sea
you caused me.

~paul prins 8/13/03

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It?s an amazement to me how there can be such polar emotions over a single action or event. Such love and hate rolled together, bewilderment and confounding thoughts. This poem is the second part of the previous poem, Like a Blue Bird. I really don?t have much else to say right now.