Paul Prins

The Future

My soul longs for words to say,
For direction to show the way,
To find comfort in this place

The world revolves within its grove,
For me it doesn?t seem to move,
No matter how hard I try.

It’s adorn me with no face,
This cold world and quickened pace,
What I?d give for a shimmer of grace.

I’ve hung on as long as I can,
Only wondering where you’ve been,
In short time it will happen.

What I don’t know,
But I’m not willing to go.

/paul prins 9-5-03

To see the words I wrote a year ago, to feel the emotion and pain that was so evident in my life them. Looking to where I sought refuge from it all. I can’t help but be filled with praise for these words, for finding them today and how they effected my outlook on tomorrow and the future. It took me several more months after I wrote this to really understand what I was desiring and seeking. Nearly four months to the day I filled out my application to spend the summer in France, seven and a half months later I applied to be the evangelism team leader, eight months later I was the team leader, and I could keep going. I spent so much time seeking out different things to satisfy me. That would cure my need for grace and love. I exhausted myself looking and searching everywhere I knew too. When I went to rest I was caught up into the arms of Christ.

Thank you father for taking me when I didn’t dare utter your name and for showing me the world which you died for. Thank you for giving me your life, may I live it until I no longer can and meet you face to face.

keep living His blessing,
~paul

No matter how hard I try or pray it seems as though the timing is never my thing. If you don?t believe me lets list some examples?

-Growing up to fast It could be that because I grew up to fast (a combination of my depression with my business work forced me to grow up really fast) that now I am trying so hard to slow everything down. I never realized how hard it would be to look back and see so many things that I feel I?ve missed out on, and I?d rather take my time to feel that I did everything I wanted too. However unrealistic this is.

-The Wrong Time Paul It wouldn?t be the first time I?ve heard this. I tend to get caught up in the moment really easy and more importantly miss the moment that it ends? For a kid who doesn?t say much out of place I sure do at the very wrong times. Can think of one example from France off the top of my head.

-Bad Timing While similar to the one above, I just tend to bring things up at awkward times and places. Not that much really gets me all that uncomfortable anymore (and could be one reason I have problems here) but as much as I look out for those around me there are moments where I wait to long, or will jump the gun. It something I hope to get better at and realize that none of us will ever perfect. Just felt like making my list longer…

-Waiting Here is the kicker, after all of those things so far listed lead me to wait. I wait for a lot of things; to plan, to travel, to make deep friendships, to eat (I miss so many meals by accident), and relationships. This actually brings me right to the reason for this entry.

Whenever it seems I am finally content and trust God to provide for me, well He does just that. Often much faster then I expected. When I resigned from skiing to take some time to figure out where He needed me I was expecting it to take a year or more. Within a couple months I felt His pull on my life for ministry. When I started to really get into running after Christ I now find myself leading a team of fellow students that is responsible for all the evangelism at Stout.

Again I?m in a position that I am wishing had an easy solution and regrettably there isn?t one. I have agreed with Christ not to date this semester so that I can really focus on helping build up His body of believers here and work on my obligations as the Evangelism team leader. Because of those obligations I wouldn’t be able to treat her how she would deserve to be treated, wouldn’t have the time for her, and would just feel like I wasn’t givning her everything she desirves. Sure enough that waiting thing? one of my sisters here at stout is just amazing. I honestly don?t know if anyone here understands me as well as she does. Here is the issue though, Christ needs me to wait for Him (interestingly enought she is in the same spot!). I would be so torn if I ever were to put myself in a position where I wasn?t ready for what he had coming because I didn?t listen to Him. So my prayers are that her smile will still be here when the time is right. That when the time is right we will see it and know it.

keep living His blessing,
~paul