PaulPrins.net

Ok I know most of what I write is metaphorical and if you aren?t in a similar place as me it may not make a whole lot of sense. It is on purpose, it is written that way so that others who are experiencing similar situations can learn from what I went through. Plus I just think that it?s a lot more interesting to read then me just ranting about life. Well to take a break from the monotony of the metaphorical post here is one that is just how it is. Sorry in advance for any regression in this entry?

The last week has been really hard on me, more so then any in recent memory. So many things happening that I honestly wish didn?t. While it was awesome in many aspects (IE. Sujo John coming, discipling Ben and Chris, pray walk, sleeping!) there were also several things that came up that really got to and now that I am somewhat removed from them I feel it?s ok to post them here, as I?ve learned to give things time before writing something publicly about them.

First was vision casting the on the night of Labor Day to the leaders/teams of crusade. It went really well but I couldn?t help but just burst out in tears afterwards. I was fine until I sat down in my chair again. The tears just erupted like some volcano that had been waiting hundreds of years. I couldn?t help but see those people I was talking to idly wasting their time and walking past opportunities, seeing myself missing opportunities. Watching those missed opportunities multiply and see the results a couple years from now, seeing those who could have been reached (had we would have been more bold and trusting in God) ask me why they hadn?t heard about Christ yet. It killed me inside and I couldn?t get that message across. As I was talking to the people in that room I could see the great hall the next week filling with people, as if the truth that was being spoken was striking a cord with the hearts of those in this room and causing that room to fill. Then no more people came in, the more truth I spoke didn?t bring in more people and it hit me that there was nothing more I could do.

Then there were the dinner line surveys. For campus crusade we run these tables so that we can find spiritually interested students on campus. It?s hard to have a movement the size of ours and have so few people sign up to help out with different time slots. Though they all ended up being staffed and we had a really good turn out (1001 filled out cards) it was more work then I had anticipated it being. Overall it was pretty good and I really enjoyed it, it?s so awesome sorting cards and reading that people want information on a personal relationship with Christ! That God has moved so much in their lives that they want to know how to know Him.

The weekend was a bit of a let down. I thought I was finally going to have a chance to hang out with guys on my floor and catch up on our summers. Instead I lost Lee Vang?s phone number and ended up making the video for Monday night that would prelude from my introduction into Sujo?s talk. It was gratifying work to do, as I hadn?t done any work in a while with video, but it was about six to eight hours of work that I hadn?t counted on doing. Though how it turned out was to a very pleasing tone for the selected atmosphere of the evening.

Next was Sunday and the morning prayer walk, needing to leave early so we could grab the guys/gals on our floor to head up to church. It was a really awesome experience and the service really spoke to me and affirmed where I am right now in ministry.

Monday was weird, Sujo was here to speak and to say I wasn?t at my A game would be accurate.. even my B game could be correct. Thankfully the event doesn?t rely on us, rather on the blessings and power of Jesus to move in the lives of those there. It went really well and the crowd looked exactly as I had seen it the week before during briefing (I was the emcee for the night, so I introduced the night and thanked them for coming). The reason the day was so weird is that one of my really good sisters was just acting off, I knew it was because of me, and I didn?t have the time until several hours later to do what I had to? talk to her. We worked through things but I know I hurt her however unintentionally and have been praying that it won?t get between us.

I?m also starting to understand what he meant when he prayed over me. The night before I left for school my dad and me went out for coffee at Dunn Brothers and while we were there this man, who I had seen there once before studying scripture as he was this night, told me that he needed to pray over and for me. Understanding the power of prayer I would never turn prayer down and I could see that his heart was pure and for the Lord. After he was done praying he prophesies for a while and the one thing he really emphasized for this year was the fact that I was going to be one of a few left standing soon. That those who were knocked down were going to look to those of us left standing for help, encouragement, guidance, and leadership. Since then I?ve seen it as well and to be honest it is the hardest part of what is going on. I could say more but this isn?t the venue or time.

All in all it?s been a week that has challenged me and forced me to grow so much in my Faith. Watching what God is doing on this campus is a blessing beyond anything I could have every dreamt to ask for. Right now I?m just looking forward to some rest and time with Him who I labor for. Soon enough it will be here, then my feet will be rested and my lungs ready to go again. God bless you.

Keep seeking His face,
~paul

Yea I know I?ve been slightly aloof lately but it has been for good reason. It seems as though my time has been so packed full that I haven?t had time to keep up with friends or even hang out with the guys on my floor. It will be better after this week as most of my work is done. Here?s a little list of what the last three weeks have held for me (more or less in order)

Coffee with Sarah Rose
Coffee with my Dad
Being prayed over a couple times
All day Campus Crusade for Christ (cru) planning meeting
Warrior Weekend (cru - three days)
Move into dorms
Helping with move in Day (cru)
Buffalo Wild Wings with Floor friends
Bonfire at 322 (cru)
Meeting with Pete Z
Pizza Give Away (cru)
Bonfire at 322 #2 (cru)
Watching office space with jenna
Popcicle give away (cru)
Backyard Bash info table (cru)
Bonfire at 322 #3 (cru)
Volleyball Tournament (cru)
Hanging out spoon invitations to first Thursday night (cru)
Chillin with Joy VanDeLoo and friends
Discipleship (cru)/Chill time with Ben Miller
Hanging out with Sarah Ogburn
Hanging out with Jenny JENNY
Picking Lara up from the airport
Servant Team meetings (cru)
Monday night block parties (cru)
Six nights of pray walk (cru)
Dinner line surveys, two days (cru)
One early morning of prayer walk (cru)
Finally going to church near school with some friends
Picking up Sujo with Teal (cru)
Sujo John outreach (cru)
Being discipled by Derek Z (cru)
Coffee with Jenny JENNY again

All with 15 credits (5 courses) and quiet time about every morning. It?s been an amazing blessing and to be honest after writing it out I?m having some reservations over posting this, but I don?t want to just delete it. So hopefully I?ll write something more tonight that will cover this up and bury it a bit. Eh, it?ll be very nice to be able to sit down and relax and enjoy the company of my floor.

Keep living His blessing,
~paul

It could be asked why I try to do so much. You may sit there and wonder thinking that I?m using it as a way to find something I?m missing. You sit there, look at God as my crutch and ridicule me while I am laboring for the fictitious ?Higher Powers? of life. You could be wondering why I?m still here, why I?ve yet to fade away and burn out, and why I?ve given so much to something so intangible.

It couldn?t be that I love you more then you?ll ever realize, that you could ever feel for anyone. I sit praying for you till tears run down my face as I see where you?re going. I sit desiring you to be saved from what is coming. I sit there realizing that it won?t be me to lead you home to your Father. I sit there praying for those who will reach you. I sit there because that girl I see from my window doesn?t know Him. That if I only prove myself faithful with little that Christ will give me what I need to reach them. Labor for Him is never in vain, my time is always answered and rewarded. As a branch attached to the vine (Christ) it is of no choice to me if I bear fruit, or not, my only hope is that I bear the best fruit I can for Him.

I live for those who are so close to me here. That they would be with me forever. I pray that Matthew 25:21 holds true in my life, that I have been faithful with a few things that Christ will trust me with more. Not for my sake, but for those around me. That He will grant me gifts and abilities to reach those who my heart pains for everyday. If it takes me to the other ends of the world to brings those next to me into His presence, then I will go. May God be my wings and refuge.

———–

Last night we had an outreach with Sujo John (website) who survived the 9/11 attacks from the 81st floor of tower one. It was an amazing presentation and his story was really gripping. It was fun to see the fruits of our labor and the scriptures hold true. Your work for the Lord does not return without results. There were 51 commitments/rededications to Christ last night. The whole presentation was about an hour long. So far I?ve heard a lot of really great reviews of the event. Hopefully we can get some press in the stoutonia (school paper) for it.

We got a good number of photos from the event and will put a couple up in the next couple days. God is soooo good to those who put their trust in Him! Sujo John thank you so much for responding to God?s call on your life and the blessing that you have been to our movement here.

Keep living His blessing,
~paul

One can?t help but wonder why spirits become so dampened when major Christian outreaches approach. There is no doubt in my mind that the spiritual realm is real after receiving the gifts that I have been so blessed with and the recalling the events in my life that have formed my understanding of Christ. Why then do I sit here in such self doubt about what is coming? How come I?m not alone in these feelings across the movement? Why am I being so defensive? What is happening that?s keeping me from the fruit of His spirit?

To associate a word with my faith this week I would have to choose to say something between demoralized and defeated. The amount of self-doubt that I?ve had in my prayer life and study has been un-paralleled since before I was a Christian. It?s been years since I?ve felt this far from you Father, but knowing all the while that you are right here encouraging me to run forward to the place when I can feel you again. This is when faith is hard, this is where people fall from you my Lord. This is when the Kingdom of Heaven is counting on us, Father don?t let us stumble. If I?m called to be a pillar in this place allow me to stand strong in you, with you, for you.

There he sits in the corner of my room, tempting me, causing me to doubt what I?ve seen and experienced to be true. Satan is just as real as the words I utter from distant lands. He needs us to stand down, to sit on the sideline and wait for the next person to do God’s work. Only problem is that there isn?t a next person, we are called by Christ to do work because he designed each of us to do what we?re called to. I only desire the tasks he?s given me for today, for this hour. That the assembly of Heaven would rejoice over one doing His will. That all of the walls of Heaven would be shaken with the excitement of the eternal as they watch what is happening here at this campus, at this time, and as they watch us change the world.

I only need to grab hold of His promises for my prayer and my life. To take those promises and live a life that praises Him who put me here.

Why is that so hard? God be with me as I tie up my shoes and run hard after you.

Keep seeking His face,
~paul

There was a point when I could have reached you, that if my arms only would have gone forth. You would have been right there, were right there, just waiting for something I was to scared of. To reach my arms forward and embrace you and now here I am. You were so close that I could feel you against me, in me. It was heaven, you are heaven and I couldn?t bring myself to pull you close. Instead I pushed you away when I didn?t pull you forward. Instead of embracing you, loving on you, and letting you love me I stood there waiting. It was a moment that lasted forever into the next. That moment told you words I always feared, and never knew how to express. I never opened my mouth. I said too much.

Now I know where you went. You always go to the same place and wait, or maybe it?s me that left. It?s the same every time, though I can?t tell you who walks away. Whose shoulder turns away first. It?s not that it isn?t me, it?s only that I refuse to admit it. Refuse to admit that it?s something I do that causes us to drift apart. How could it be me? I try so hard and spend nearly every waking moment thinking of you. What of all the things I wrote to you, whispered for only you to hear. What of the things yelled from the tops of mountains and to startle pigeons at rest on cobblestone streets. The world I?ve seen for you, and will see again. So how could this be me. You felt so close, why would I push you away? There is no reason so it must be you.

Even now I sit here waiting for you to come back, waiting with open arms to embrace you. Wondering why you aren?t here, thinking of you, and desiring you to be here like you were for so long. Remembering thoughts of you with my arms held tight next to my sides. So close that your fragrance intoxicated my senses and yet I just was there, arms by my side waiting for you. Now that you?re gone I cry out with open arms for you to come back.

I remember times past when we went through this. Actually it was this exact same thing, you there and me here. You waiting and me crying out inside, to stubborn to be honest with myself, and more importantly you. I?m lost and scared, realizing that you?re still there and I moved here. Realizing that my arms are open only because I know you won?t come. What scares me? I don?t even know if you?re real, this is to good to be true. Then I remember the feeling when you were near, the scent of you in my life. Leaving you in some sort of self imposed punishment so that I?ll think you?ll take me back. If I?d only raise my eyes to see you there with open arms, waiting.

When will these games end?
What more do I need to know that you?re really there?
Christ show yourself to me once more, then I might believe. Just once more, please?

Keep seeking His face and desiring His blessings on your heart. For if your earthly father can give good gifts, how much more can your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him,
~paul

Currently Feeling: ?I can?t live up to the feeling of that which I am destined to but because it?s my destiny I will, it?s only a matter of how much I’ll surprise myself when I look back from heaven on a job well done?

It?s something that we are all are forced to address at some point in our Christian faith. When is it that we are ready to truly serve Him? To be quite honest it is different for each and every person. For someone, they might accept Christ and be ready to serve him the very next day. Others it takes time, this entry is only a question for you.

If you look at the bible there are examples of people who stand up and step out for Christ moments after accepting Christ is their savior. The blind man on trial before the pharoses is one that comes to mind. Then if you look at His disciples you see him teach them for a while before they are sent out on their own. This is bringing me quickly to my point.

We are ready to labor for Christ, every Christian who desires a Christ centered life is, everyone from the blind man to the disciples. We?re laboring for Him each and every day from our first moments of life with the Spirit. We are called to certain tasks and opportunities that we are ready for. Time and time again I feel as though I?m not ready, I don?t know what I need to. Last year I co-lead a bible study and couldn?t remember if I had ever read one complete gospel. Our Father knew I was ready for it and I trusted that He would be there with me every step of the way. Before spending this summer in France I had never gone through the four laws book (gospel) with anyone. I had used the bridge diagram once but that is abbreviated. I trusted that He would meet me where I was willing to meet Him.

This is exactly what those in the bible did, they were with Jesus and even though they knew they had so much more to learn, they trusted Him when they were sent out. From those closest to Him to those whom he had just met. This trust is called faith and He?ll meet you every step He calls you too and you?re to take. If you want to sit and wait for Him to pull you up closer to Himself you will be waiting quite the long time. Look for the arm He has outstretched and waiting for you to grab hold of. Lack of faith is only a lack of Trust in the God of everything, those strong in faith experience trust with God that the rest of us think is un-attainable. It is, the only question is when?

Keep seeking His face and living His blessing,
~paul

It?s now been well over a week since I?ve written anything. Time has yet to slow down and in some respects time is only getting faster. The last week of my life is a complete blur and it leaves me wondering what I?m doing and more importantly, if I?m doing it right. While I try to approach everyday with a light heart and open mind, seeking out people and work with true peace and excitement there is a part of me that is scared to death through all of it.

For the first time I understand so much about what is going on around me spiritually, the battle that I?m completely enthralled in and have been since I accepted Christ. Seeing the world revolve around me like I?ve never seen it before and allowing my eyes to witness fruit ripen before my eyes. Seeing people seeking His face and the life we all desire in Him. It?s like nothing I?ve ever experienced before. This is where the title of the post will start to make some sense.

Never before have I seen people like I am. It also means that I?m seeing the people not growing, the people who aren?t bearing fruit and who are slowly drifting away. Seeing every action I take affecting those around me for more then they are willing to admit. Praying that I don?t do anything that would have negative eternal consequences for my friends who I care so much about. Watching my roll change from what it was last year and it?s not that I don?t welcome the change only that I wish I wasn?t so scared by it. There has been a lot going on lately and I?m not really concerned that it will get done, or that I?ll be ok. I?m scared that I could miss what I?m to do.

The vote is still out on if being scared is good or bad. If I weren?t scared I wouldn?t be praying as much, and then wouldn?t have as much dependence upon the Father. On the other hand though being scared could cause cowardice or something similar. My greatest fear is that I will do something that?ll keep someone from knowing God, so I seek Him everyday and know in faith that won?t happen.