Paul Prins

One can’t help but wonder why spirits become so dampened when major Christian outreaches approach. There is no doubt in my mind that the spiritual realm is real after receiving the gifts that I have been so blessed with and the recalling the events in my life that have formed my understanding of Christ. Why then do I sit here in such self doubt about what is coming? How come I?m not alone in these feelings across the movement? Why am I being so defensive? What is happening that?s keeping me from the fruit of His spirit?

To associate a word with my faith this week I would have to choose to say something between demoralized and defeated. The amount of self-doubt that I?ve had in my prayer life and study has been un-paralleled since before I was a Christian. It?s been years since I?ve felt this far from you Father, but knowing all the while that you are right here encouraging me to run forward to the place when I can feel you again. This is when faith is hard, this is where people fall from you my Lord. This is when the Kingdom of Heaven is counting on us, Father don?t let us stumble. If I?m called to be a pillar in this place allow me to stand strong in you, with you, for you.

There he sits in the corner of my room, tempting me, causing me to doubt what I?ve seen and experienced to be true. Satan is just as real as the words I utter from distant lands. He needs us to stand down, to sit on the sideline and wait for the next person to do God’s work. Only problem is that there isn?t a next person, we are called by Christ to do work because he designed each of us to do what we?re called to. I only desire the tasks he?s given me for today, for this hour. That the assembly of Heaven would rejoice over one doing His will. That all of the walls of Heaven would be shaken with the excitement of the eternal as they watch what is happening here at this campus, at this time, and as they watch us change the world.

I only need to grab hold of His promises for my prayer and my life. To take those promises and live a life that praises Him who put me here.

Why is that so hard? God be with me as I tie up my shoes and run hard after you.

Keep seeking His face,
~paul

There was a point when I could have reached you, that if my arms only would have gone forth. You would have been right there, were right there, just waiting for something I was to scared of. To reach my arms forward and embrace you and now here I am. You were so close that I could feel you against me, in me. It was heaven, you are heaven and I couldn’t bring myself to pull you close. Instead I pushed you away when I didn’t pull you forward. Instead of embracing you, loving on you, and letting you love me I stood there waiting. It was a moment that lasted forever into the next. That moment told you words I always feared, and never knew how to express. I never opened my mouth. I said too much.

Now I know where you went. You always go to the same place and wait, or maybe it’s me that left. It’s the same every time, though I can’t tell you who walks away. Whose shoulder turns away first. It’s not that it isn’t me, it’s only that I refuse to admit it. Refuse to admit that it’s something I do that causes us to drift apart. How could it be me? I try so hard and spend nearly every waking moment thinking of you. What of all the things I wrote to you, whispered for only you to hear. What of the things yelled from the tops of mountains and to startle pigeons at rest on cobblestone streets. The world I’ve seen for you, and will see again. So how could this be me. You felt so close, why would I push you away? There is no reason so it must be you.

Even now I sit here waiting for you to come back, waiting with open arms to embrace you. Wondering why you aren’t here, thinking of you, and desiring you to be here like you were for so long. Remembering thoughts of you with my arms held tight next to my sides. So close that your fragrance intoxicated my senses and yet I just was there, arms by my side waiting for you. Now that you’re gone I cry out with open arms for you to come back.

I remember times past when we went through this. Actually it was this exact same thing, you there and me here. You waiting and me crying out inside, to stubborn to be honest with myself, and more importantly you. I’m lost and scared, realizing that you’re still there and I moved here. Realizing that my arms are open only because I know you won’t come. What scares me? I don’t even know if you’re real, this is to good to be true. Then I remember the feeling when you were near, the scent of you in my life. Leaving you in some sort of self imposed punishment so that I’ll think you’ll take me back. If I’d only raise my eyes to see you there with open arms, waiting.

When will these games end?
What more do I need to know that you’re really there?
Christ show yourself to me once more, then I might believe. Just once more, please?

Keep seeking His face and desiring His blessings on your heart. For if your earthly father can give good gifts, how much more can your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him,
~paul

Currently Feeling: “I can’t live up to the feeling of that which I am destined to but because it’s my destiny I will, it’s only a matter of how much I’ll surprise myself when I look back from heaven on a job well done”

It?s something that we are all are forced to address at some point in our Christian faith. When is it that we are ready to truly serve Him? To be quite honest it is different for each and every person. For someone, they might accept Christ and be ready to serve him the very next day. Others it takes time, this entry is only a question for you.

If you look at the bible there are examples of people who stand up and step out for Christ moments after accepting Christ is their savior. The blind man on trial before the pharoses is one that comes to mind. Then if you look at His disciples you see him teach them for a while before they are sent out on their own. This is bringing me quickly to my point.

We are ready to labor for Christ, every Christian who desires a Christ centered life is, everyone from the blind man to the disciples. We?re laboring for Him each and every day from our first moments of life with the Spirit. We are called to certain tasks and opportunities that we are ready for. Time and time again I feel as though I?m not ready, I don?t know what I need to. Last year I co-lead a bible study and couldn?t remember if I had ever read one complete gospel. Our Father knew I was ready for it and I trusted that He would be there with me every step of the way. Before spending this summer in France I had never gone through the four laws book (gospel) with anyone. I had used the bridge diagram once but that is abbreviated. I trusted that He would meet me where I was willing to meet Him.

This is exactly what those in the bible did, they were with Jesus and even though they knew they had so much more to learn, they trusted Him when they were sent out. From those closest to Him to those whom he had just met. This trust is called faith and He?ll meet you every step He calls you too and you?re to take. If you want to sit and wait for Him to pull you up closer to Himself you will be waiting quite the long time. Look for the arm He has outstretched and waiting for you to grab hold of. Lack of faith is only a lack of Trust in the God of everything, those strong in faith experience trust with God that the rest of us think is un-attainable. It is, the only question is when?

Keep seeking His face and living His blessing,
~paul

It?s now been well over a week since I?ve written anything. Time has yet to slow down and in some respects time is only getting faster. The last week of my life is a complete blur and it leaves me wondering what I?m doing and more importantly, if I?m doing it right. While I try to approach everyday with a light heart and open mind, seeking out people and work with true peace and excitement there is a part of me that is scared to death through all of it.

For the first time I understand so much about what is going on around me spiritually, the battle that I?m completely enthralled in and have been since I accepted Christ. Seeing the world revolve around me like I?ve never seen it before and allowing my eyes to witness fruit ripen before my eyes. Seeing people seeking His face and the life we all desire in Him. It?s like nothing I?ve ever experienced before. This is where the title of the post will start to make some sense.

Never before have I seen people like I am. It also means that I?m seeing the people not growing, the people who aren?t bearing fruit and who are slowly drifting away. Seeing every action I take affecting those around me for more then they are willing to admit. Praying that I don?t do anything that would have negative eternal consequences for my friends who I care so much about. Watching my roll change from what it was last year and it?s not that I don?t welcome the change only that I wish I wasn?t so scared by it. There has been a lot going on lately and I?m not really concerned that it will get done, or that I?ll be ok. I?m scared that I could miss what I?m to do.

The vote is still out on if being scared is good or bad. If I weren?t scared I wouldn?t be praying as much, and then wouldn?t have as much dependence upon the Father. On the other hand though being scared could cause cowardice or something similar. My greatest fear is that I will do something that?ll keep someone from knowing God, so I seek Him everyday and know in faith that won?t happen.