Being a Christian RA

It?s taken me a while to think and process through all of this to discover what it means to be a Christian resident advisor. I knew that being a Christian in this environment I was called to be different and it been a challenge. There have been a number of challenges, and I by no means have found solutions, but will work out where I?m at.

First are the priorities, as an employee of Res-Life they ask and expect that your priorities work in the order of School, Work, Personal Life, Whatever else. Here is a major conflict as a Christian, ?Seek first His kingdom? (Matthew 6:33), and it has caused some tension already. While my priorities are similar to theirs, mine tend to be arranged as Ministry (incld: Relationship with Christ), School, Work, Personal Life. They have been accommodating thus far but I pray our conflict of interests not come to a head in the next couple weeks.

Second has to do with being on duty and needing to keep an eye out for inappropriate behavior. I will be honest, I can?t tell when someone is drunk or on drugs. I used to try but it isn?t worth my efforts to see them that way, only that I could try to look past it. The Lord has blessed me in not being able to tell, in letting my eyes see past those things. That I am not distracted by such things and instead striving to see them as pure, ?To the pure all things are pure. To the corrupt nothing is pure, for their mind and consciousness are corrupted.? (Titus 1:15). Now one might say, Paul you aren?t pure, you sin just like the rest of us. I would point them to Philippians 2:14-16 that says ?Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out[a] the word of life?in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.?

So that I may become blameless? as Paul reassured those at Corinth that Christ would give them strength ?so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ? (1 Cor 1:8) and Peter wrote ?So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him? (2 Pete 3:14). The key here is that it requires work. You don?t need strength to be like everyone else, you don?t need to put effort forth to do what you?ve already done. It takes strength and effort to change and let Christ change you. Faith (trust in God) takes a lot of effort and strength. So, since my first priority is the Ministry Christ has given me and my relationship with Him seeking to be blameless and striving to get as close to righteousness is more important than learning to tell if someone is abusing their body.

I will share the gospel on my floor if the Lord presents the opportunity. I will be bold in ways that whispers tell me will cost me my job. For to live like Christ to die is gain. I?ve never been more sure of anything in my life than I am that Christ is the only savior of this world and to not proclaim his word is to watch the world die around me doing nothing. There is more, but I don?t feel like writing it all out now.

Praying that I may loose myself further,
~paul

Big Break Blog!

I had the oppertunity to go down to Panama City Beach with Campus Crusade for Christ on what they called Big Break for my spring break. It was awesome. A week where there was some sun and a lot of living out my faith in Christ, God reveals himself to those who obey what he commands (see John 14:21) and being in something close to full time ministry again just got me super excited to go overseas on STINT this fall! (read more..) These are a few things I wrote when I was down there. I’ll be putting some pictures online later, there are a lot of them par usual.

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WooHoo for France! STINT

For those of you who haven’t been reading lately I’m in the process of deciding if I am going to do STINT (Short Term INTernational) this upcoming year from September until July. It’s been quite the process, from being told I couldn’t go to being told I could. Then needing to discern if it was God’s will for me to go or not, spending time in counsel that I didn’t when I first filled out the application. God has been so gracious with me and allowing me to correct my mistakes and giving me a second chance to go and labor for him when I deserve anything but that. So, after much prayer, fasting, fellowship, and beseeching, what’s the word?

I’m going to go for it. Everything has come out so dead even and my heart has been so I have to pursue what the Lord has set before me. As I am pursuing if the door gets shut on STINT I will know I am meant to be here at Stout. There are countless ways He could let me know that I am meant to spend the 2005/06 year at Stout, so many ways to stop me from going. If I am not stopped then I will go, I am going to pursue both so that incase I can’t go to France I will still be able to go to school fall semester. I’m looking so forward to being in France and watching the Lord move and work there. I will post more information later as I learn it. For now if you want to pray for my acceptance to Mirail in Toulouse for next year that would greatly help me get my visa and get over there.

Broken and kneeling before His throne,
~paul

please read the last two entries if you are interested in what all has happened to get me to this point.

Discerning STINT, to go?

I?ve been having quite a few conversations over the last couple days (thanks Rachel, MM, Chris, Jay…) seeking out the Lord and counsel from those He?s placed around me, whom I trust greatly. When I found out Tuesday that it was still an option to go I had the chance to do this, to really spend the rest of the week seeking out Christ and relieving myself of every desire that comes onto my heart so that those of Him will stay. Marie gave me some really solid questions to work through on Tuesday evening and I?m going to write up what I wrote out. So if you?re wondering what has been running through my mind and how I?ve been processing this out be persistent with your eyes.

Do I really want to leave everything I have here?
Of course I don?t, but is this for me to ever decide? Everything I have, everyone I know is because the Lord placed them into my life. If it is Him calling me away he will care for them and grow them in my absence. It?s my pride saying they need me, this movement needs me, and that it would suffer if I left. Christ has given me more then I ever could have asked for and He can again. He knows what is best, and will honor and bless me if I continue to seek unwaveringly after Him at the throne of our Father.

Do I want to use the passion I have to motivate others to go, spread that passion and go after I graduate?
It?s so great to spread that desire to go. To lift up those around me to come with me to the world. Would be so amazing to have people come with me. But would not the Lord use this trip to move in the hearts of those here. To see that they could do it as well. How important humility will be when I return, that my nothingness will allow them to see Christ moving in their lives. Being able to send messages from France back to weekly meetings could be so inspirational. Going now would allow me to be witness to another whole class of students within the movement.

What am I going to benefit by…

 

Going?
-Internship
-1 Semester of College
-New friends (STINTERS and French students)
-Training
-Money (little bit)
-Another year in college ministry
-Changed life
-Spiritual Growth in New Areas
-View different Stage of a Movement
-Gain a year of living abroad
-Speak better French
-Jordan grows more independent
Staying?
-2 Semesters of College
-Learn more about leading
-Time with Jordan
-Midwest Skier
-Disciple more guys
-Friends who will graduate
-Start speaking more

How would the movement at Stout benefit by me…

 

Going?
-New E-team Leader
-Fresh eyes on servant team
-Cast vision/importance of Going
-More leaders
-Spread sub-team vision
-Fresh eyes/perspective upon return
-Trust God more
Staying?
-Able to invest more into e-team
-refine E-Team leader/book more
-Encourage others w/ presence
-Help maintain focus

How would the Kingdom benefit by me

 

Going?
-Help revive France
-Gain Faith in Initiation
-Cast Vision for France
-Build prayer network for France
Staying?
-Push Movement into Saturation
-Raise up laborers to go
-Witness in JTC

Could I do more good for God by staying here or going?
It seems pretty split, but if we were to go I can imagine how the Lord could honor that both here and there. Where being here wouldn?t have as large of an effect on Toulouse than I would have on Stout being in France. It?s like this answer needs to be left into the hands of the Lord, praying for where I am not.

What?s this shown me?
It?s really revealed a lot of my heart for why I want to go, and shown me so many selfish reasons that I was able to pray away leaving me with a set of desires that are pure. The Lord will continue to show me how I?m not being honest with myself or Him, but for now I?m needing to really seek the Lord. Spending time with Jay last night working through my heart and the questions above. It really helped to have his input and see his perspective on it, to look at the list of going in terms of how different would the list be if I waited. How could those items be used if I waited, they have very different applications at that point in time. How would the fruit be and look different? What would have more of an eternal impact for the kingdom of Christ? Truth is that no matter how much I work through this I won?t have an answer to that question.

Continuing to Seek Nothingness before Christ,
~paul

Well, Now I might be going? STINT

It?s been quite a while since I?ve written and it hasn?t been due to lack of anything happening. More the lack of any sort of resolution. For those of you who?ve been paying some attention to what has been going on in my life a major point right now has been STINT (Short Term INTernational, a year in another country) and how to spend my next year. It all started last December when I felt God really fire up my heart to go on STINT to France. A couple days after the Christmas conference I filled out my application and I was in the process of heading to France, or so I thought.

The end of January I got an email to start an application with a university in Toulouse that would help me get my visa for the upcoming year. I was able to get the form filled out and my application started, I simply need to get a copy of my diploma to them by the 15th. After applying the end of January I was sent back into waiting to hear if I had been accepted into the internship or not.

It had been a couple weeks and I finally got my follow up phone call to answer some questions that they had about my application. After talking and answering questions I found out that they had a rule that basically didn’t allow me to go on STINT. That destroyed me, everyone i had talked to, every prayer I had asked had been answered, I had dreams about being in toulouse, and it was just really hard for me to now realize that I wasn’t going. It caused a lot of tension in my relationship with God and He really showed me a lot about myself through that. Broke me back down to where I belonged, physically that appeared to be here at UW Stout. Needless to say I was furious at Campus Crusade for allowing me to go through so much of the application process with seminally no chance to go. There were emails and phone calls back and forth between the Regional office and myself.

Fast forward to yesterday, during discipleship with Derek, I got a phone call from someone over at regional. I figure it’s a follow up call because of my complaint. That she was calling to help repair any hard feelings and to smooth rough edges. We decided to talk this morning. She introduced herself as the one in charge of Staff and Intern Development (I believe) and proceeded to tell me what has been going on over there at the regional office in all their ‘bureaucratic junk.’ It turns out that the rule that was keeping me from STINT was never actually written down when they discussed it last year, and on top of that it was only within our region. At this point I’m getting pretty worked up over the seeming lack of administrative poignancy (i believe thats the word i’m looking for) and just how poorly things seem to be running. She proceeded to tell me how she was impressed with my email, to him who interviewed me, regarding my feelings and view of Crusade and also addressed His response to me.

So why am I asking for my heart to stop being played with? Simply because it turns out no one over there was on the same page with that rule the either way. They sat down and discussed our correspondence and were able to get all onto the same page. My major complaint was of the lack of consistency with the rule, that because I attend a four year school I had to be out of my third year, were if I was at a two year community/tech school I could go at the end of that time period. Because of that they decided to simplify and state that after two years (out of sophomore year) you could go on STINT.

Now I’m stuck here trying to figure out what to do, I had my heart so set on going to France and since I heard I wouldn’t be going I really sought hard to seek the Lord for contentment in being here next year. The door that appeared to have been shut is now reopened. Please keep me in your prayers, that I would be able to discern what is going on and the difference between my desires and God’s will. It will also give me a chance to really seek counsel that I wasn’t able to (or didn’t want to) do before.

Oh Father I deserve nothing,
~paul