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My new KID!!!

So I haven’t really filled anyone in on what happened to Oscar Perez Calix, my sponsor child down in Honduras. It turns out that his mother had lied about some information to get him into the program, what I am not sure. When confronted she apparently got upset and withdrew Oscar from the program. I was heartbroken by that because I was really starting to get to know him better. Although it is better that it happened sooner then later, when I became truly attached to him.

Present Day, I got a packet in the mail from Compassion International with another kid. Needless to say that made my week, which to that point has been rather dismal. He’s such a rad guy. His name is Marlon David Castillo Perez and lives in Honduras as well. He’s seven right now and his either birthday is next month. He lives at home with his sister, who runs the household. I’m not sure where his parents are in the picture, removed or past on. He likes swimming, art, and playing ball games. I really don’t know much more then that. I’m writing him today and hopefully I’ll hear back before school, but probably wont since that is coming up pretty quickly and I can’t imagine mail moves to fast down there.

Plus Marlon has longer hair like me. I would strongly suggest to anyone who reads this to sign up to sponsor a kid, it’s only $28 a month and he or she’ll get so much.

Take care and may God bless you,
~paul

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Change of Heart

Sunday June 8th, 2003 at 10:25 PM

Have you ever had a moment in your life where everything that was within your perspective seemed to change? Some call it an epiphany while others something along the lines of being enlightened. Those moments are what keeps us on our toes, as they always seem to come just about the point in which we have everything ‘figured’ out.

For this past weekend has been full of them, from the graduation open house I held on Saturday to church today. It’s really been a chance for me to open my eyes and to look to the future then I ever have. Maybe not ever have, but with more realism then I have been able to in the past. I really don’t know what to say aside from the fact that I’m extact for the future. I will greatly miss this world to which I’ve grown so accustom to but I know that, with God’s help, the future will hold treasures and opportunities that I simply can’t fathom within my own, human, mind.

I’ve also decided that I’m going to write out some of the bigger issues that I’ve had to deal with and/or think about in quite some detail. Just to have it out there for anyone who is interested in reading it or for people who might be going through something similar to what I have already experienced. Till later

Take Care and God Bless, ~paul prins

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My Birthday (two years ago)

It’s hard to believe that it’s already been two year. Today I’m 19, happy birthday. I guess I should state that since the rest of this post will have to deal with that.

Now is a time when I’m gonna open up a little bit more of my personal life to the world. I’m not quite sure why I am, it isn’t the most flattering for me to be posting about. More that I’m just to a point in my life where I can comfortably talk about what has happened in my past and that I’m not ashamed of what I went through and what happened. Like I stated in my opening line, It’s hard to believe that it’s already been two years. In some respects it seems so much longer because I’ve changed so much, while others it seems like just yesterday.

Those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about are probably really confused at this point. Sorry about that, keep reading and it will all make sense in a moment. Two years ago, May 20th 2001, I had it kind of planned out. I was sick of everything and was going to kill myself (this was the second time). I had left home and gone to Kinkos to pick up something, business cards I think and it was raining out. Not just raining but pouring rain. I had to sit in that parking lot for at least a half hour, might have been an hour, just crying about everything. Life was to much at that point. I was being pushed to the brink and didn’t feel like I could take it anymore. I thought through a bunch of different ideas, the first one was to just drive off the 212 bridge onto 494. That flopped when it would have hurt more people then just me. I had more ideas run in and out that I can’t remember until I decided to just go down to the river. At the time I wasn’t sure what I was going to do there but I knew it would be the end of me.

I pulled out of the parking lot and headed in that direction, took a slight detour over to staring lake park where I got out of my car, still crying. Thinking that this way I would be covered in water and people wouldn’t have been able to tell I was crying. All I remember is that the rain was so cold. I got back in my car and started driving with my eyes closed down toward the river. For some reason I opened them and saw the light was red ahead of me at pioneer trail and county rd. 4 so I stopped. I ment to head south to get to the river but decided to go north to church. I had a couple friends invite me and I figured I mine as well go one last time. I showed up right at the beginning, which was quite weird because I somehow spent the better part of four hours since I left for Kinkos and I’m not sure where all the time had gone. The night really wasn’t on anything that I can remember but something clicked with me there. Something that for the past 17 years of my life I had tried so hard to understand just made sense to me.

Then for the first time in a long time I genuinely smiled, I still remember how it felt. It was pure ecstasy and amazement. More then anything I had some hope. I drove down by the river, maybe, and just thought about what I was going to do. I’ve done that several times since then. Somehow just seeing that river now puts in all in perspective for me. I’ve been pushed to the edge twice, I’m not sure which time I was closer. All I know is that for the first time in a long time I am genuinely happy and more or less back to being paul. For everyone that’s been there for me and helped me, thank you.

Take Care and God Bless,
~paul