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4am Conclusion

So to fill in a little bit more from before with my very abbreviated post. I’ve finally become fairly comfortable with my surroundings and college life in general so I’m really starting to open up to people more. I’m figuring out more names and meeting more people. I love it.

About last night, I really don’t know how to explain what happened, because I was there for her but nothing happened (how you would think of something happening). She needed someone to support her and I was able to truly be there for her. Her boyfriend was being such a dick on the other side of the phone, trying every trick in the book to keep her in something that she didn’t want to be. Up until then I guess I had been somewhat nieve to how some people treated women. To be honest I was pretty pissed off at him, he kept talking about how he loved her, well if he had truly loved her as much as he did, then he would have loved her enough to let her go. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but I was man enough to admit that it would be best for her.

I felt like shit for her, but at the same time when I thought of it couldn’t help but smile. I got the impression that she had cared so much for him that she let him walk, more or less, all over her. She finally stood her ground and I could hear him on the other side of the phone become so confused that something had changed. I couldn’t help but think of what it was like when I had broken up with people before. It was really humbling to go through and I got a lot out of it. I could see both of them working through the different phases, shock, denial, frustration, anger and finally realizing that they do care about each other still and grasping (mostly on his end) that it just wasn’t meant to be.

Now I don’t want to sound lame but I was really proud of her for doing that. I know she was very nervous about it but I could tell she was happy she finally said what she wanted to. We went outside after that and stood around talking for a while about whatever, I’d bring up some stuff to help start the grieving process, but mostly we just talked about whatever. Here is what I’m somewhat confused about.

Why was I there, I mean I understand the physical reason I was there, support, to be a good friend. Rather why was I there on a little deeper of a level, I mean we really only started talking a week ago, and she already seems to trust me with everything inside of her. I’m confused as to why this keeps happening, no not this exact situation that I described above, but the trust thing. I mean I know that I wouldn’t slander anyone or blab about what people tell me. How do people know that? Sarah told me she was shy, yet told me so much about her self and her personal trials and we had only been talking for a few days. It’s just weird for me to try to understand, not that I need to, I just wish I could.

In a slightly up beat tone, when I got back to the room at 4 this morning I couldn’t find ned, my roommate. He was nowhere to be found. I really wanted to talk to him about the confusion I explained above but he wasn’t there. I guess he had left his keys in our room and I locked it when I walked Sarah back to north campus after the movie was done. He showed up around eight. It was pretty comical watching him just wander in, up the loft, and back to sleep. He’s in IL for the weekend while I’m back here in EP, although I didn’t tell anyone that because I really didn’t want people to know. Could be kind of risky to post that on the internet then, couldn’t it. Oh well I live on the edge.

Kind of a long post this time, meh.

Take care and may God Bless your soul!
~paul