Quick week recap, Im sorry I didnt have time to write earlier, Wednesday night was the Everclear concert at first ave and I danced with mystery girl from La Cross, Thursday was more or less un eventful, got some work done, Friday I hung out with Jessica. Saturday morning I was up bright and early to ask Britney to prom, and she said yes, later we had some meeting to figure limos and what not out and then I saw Phone Booth (very good movie) with Matt J. That brings us up to today which is Sunday, church day, I was up till 3:30 am this morning working on a video for church, prayed for the youth ministry team after the service and crossroads tonight.
Now what I really wanted to write about.
For those of you reading this, I have battled with the thought of putting this up here. The reason I am is because its a major part of who I am now and maybe youll read it and understand a bit more about me. The days Ive come from have been very dark, dark enough to the point where I didnt want to even look for the light that might be there for me at times. That I tried to kill myself twice, that Ive spent the majority of my years in high school depressed, spans of time Ive been so low that I would just pretend to be happy about life. I was sick of answering the questions of are you alright, whats going on. So I just made it look like nothing was. I wish it was all a dream that I would wake up from, every morning I have to deal with the fact that it isnt. That those memories of the knife pushing down so hard that I had to bite my lip to keep anyone from knowing, to scared to pull just a little further.
At this point Im not exactly sure what youre thinking, if youre a skier checking this out youre probably saying, he has everything he could want, sponsors, name recognition, connections. There is more to life then that. If youre from school and I havent told you yet. Sorry but this shouldnt change anything, I wouldnt be surprised if 1/4th of the people you know have dealt with depression. Art guys, well yea I guess its kind of expected with the territory.
Now let me make my point, for all of my life, up till just over a year ago, I had lived trying to do the best I can. Trying to make a name for myself, and to live life how we all picture it. It wore me out to the point where I could barely hold on. I made it through, and since then Ive put myself in a position where Im able to help people because of what it is Ive been through in the past. That is more rewarding to me then anything else Ive done. Being able to talk to someone, letting them know what helped me get through, how God was there for me and just the knowledge that it will get better.
If you are having a hard time grasping this idea, just think about it a bit. Have you ever stopped to think why I always will hold the door, or why Ill be there to help people out, why I talk to so many people at school? Truth be told, Im still somewhat shy like I was back in middle school. Now I just know the difference that one person can make to someone who is having a hard time. So I challenge you, after reading all of my rant, to do something for someone else, to not be scared to bend over backwards for someone else. Because it will all work out in the end if you keep your faith strong.
take care and God bless ~paul