If milk had alcohol in it, I would be so messed up right now? haha
I don?t know what I?m doing. It?s nearly one in the morning and I?m sitting here while my mind spins around uncontrollably. My entire life I?ve never asked for much of anything, only to understand and feel cared for. That longing has nearly driven me mad at points, where I couldn?t seem to understand. Mad to the point of introverting my senses inward with hopes of discovering something that I?m missing. That the missing piece to this internal mess lies with who I am and what I can?t seem to understand or accept about that.
It?s a gift to be able to see beauty in others, to be able to see it in everyone you meet on the street. With a casual pass lacking any sort of conversation, yet it is so hard to truly convince myself of what I am. For so long I?ve tried and at times, successfully, and right now feeling as if I haven?t. There are so many things that hold me back from accepting that, from accepting who I am rather than what I?ve become? It?s not that I don?t understand who I am, or that I?m not content where I am, only that it seems as though I will constantly want something more for myself. As if chasing a bar that is moving away just as fast as I can reach it, at some point will I not be able to jump any higher?
At times in life we need people to show us our amazing traits and to be blessed by those around us. Essentially wiping away the fog resting and slowly building upon our mirror and window into our soul. That?s what we have and need friends for, to clear our minds from the clutter and fog that will build and clog our thoughts. My actions will continue to run true because of a heart I?m told is gentle and loving. Sometimes it?s just hart to tell for whom.
This post is a combination of things cumulating tonight while I watched ?House of Sand and Fog,? which is a very good film. It?s good I realize what?s going on at times. For those of you concerned, thank you, but I should be alright with the rise of the sun upon my soul.
Take care and God bless,