Feeling Attacked

One can’t help but wonder why spirits become so dampened when major Christian outreaches approach. There is no doubt in my mind that the spiritual realm is real after receiving the gifts that I have been so blessed with and the recalling the events in my life that have formed my understanding of Christ. Why then do I sit here in such self doubt about what is coming? How come I?m not alone in these feelings across the movement? Why am I being so defensive? What is happening that?s keeping me from the fruit of His spirit?

To associate a word with my faith this week I would have to choose to say something between demoralized and defeated. The amount of self-doubt that I?ve had in my prayer life and study has been un-paralleled since before I was a Christian. It?s been years since I?ve felt this far from you Father, but knowing all the while that you are right here encouraging me to run forward to the place when I can feel you again. This is when faith is hard, this is where people fall from you my Lord. This is when the Kingdom of Heaven is counting on us, Father don?t let us stumble. If I?m called to be a pillar in this place allow me to stand strong in you, with you, for you.

There he sits in the corner of my room, tempting me, causing me to doubt what I?ve seen and experienced to be true. Satan is just as real as the words I utter from distant lands. He needs us to stand down, to sit on the sideline and wait for the next person to do God’s work. Only problem is that there isn?t a next person, we are called by Christ to do work because he designed each of us to do what we?re called to. I only desire the tasks he?s given me for today, for this hour. That the assembly of Heaven would rejoice over one doing His will. That all of the walls of Heaven would be shaken with the excitement of the eternal as they watch what is happening here at this campus, at this time, and as they watch us change the world.

I only need to grab hold of His promises for my prayer and my life. To take those promises and live a life that praises Him who put me here.

Why is that so hard? God be with me as I tie up my shoes and run hard after you.

Keep seeking His face,
~paul