'Hold on, I don't want to…'

It seems like it has been so long since she had hear him say it, but every time they got on his bike it was there. “Hold on, I don’t want to loose you.” It was the first date when he said that and she felt like it meant so much more than to not fall off the bike. That was the night she understood why women love motorcycles. Their fun, fast, and exciting but above all that, he doesn’t want to loose you while you’re with him.

That seems so long ago. They hardly ever spoke to one another unless it was a necessity. The pet names and goofy faces were long since past. That bike became their time machine, a way to get back to those innocent days when life was a mystery. In a couple years it seems as though the mystery has been taken away. Today when she woke up she knew everything that would happen, from the number of times he would hit the snooze, to the faces of the people she would see on the way to work. The all to familiar commuter crowd that was the adult version of passing time between classes, and after a while she could even pick out the new people in the jam. There was something more to this day, she knew what it was as it had been on her calendar for nearly two weeks. Date night, and while it was a product of her nagging him to do something with her, it didn’t matter, it was the light she had been looking forward too.

Overall it fell short of expectations, a nice meal lacking in decent conversation. They spent the majority of the time actually commenting on the conversations of those sitting near them, as if it were a defense technique to keep the other outside of the lives they shared with one another. The blandness of repetition and predictability was overwhelming in their relationship and it ate at them both, whose bold faces showed no signs of this what so ever. It burned under her hotter than him and at the end of the meal, as he took her hand and they silently walked out she leaned over and said I love you.

He smiled. A word that he had used so often to describe feelings had, for a large part of his life, lost meaning until he met her. She showed him a new definition, a new way to care and be cared for. He smiled. On their way back home things changed.

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Despite the heat of the day that pavement was so cold, as if the very earth itself had drained it of its warmth. Passers by were upset and concerned by the road flairs a mile up the road and shocked by the sight. Flashing squad car lights, an empty ambulance, and uniforms walking about. At first one would have thought someone had jumped off the bridge into traffic, until they saw the motorcycle on it’s side, the leather saddle looked warm, and further a second tarp. Until they saw another set of feet, smaller than the first, receding from the world underneath the yellow plastic covering. Several cars stopped to help, share what they saw, and to stand in shock. There wasn’t anything anyone could do. It was nearly instantiations. Further down the road a woman was weeping uncontrollably, recalling the way she had hit her hood and rolled over the car. Though she stopped so far away no-one came to consol her in this torment.

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“People tell me how unfair life is and ask me where I am when times like these happen. ‘How can I be so far away’ they yell as if I am not their catching every tear, every time. I have never turned my back or left you.” God continued to speak, “Even that man and woman, who their entire life didn’t believe I existed, I never left until they chose to leave me. He let her redefine love, instead of letting me revolutionize it for him. Now my child is lost from me forever.”

“Who is here to catch my tears? To share in my eternal compassion? Who,” and the Lord was silent not needing to say another word.

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It’s been a while since I’ve seen an accident, people laying lifeless upon the asphalt in a flood of flickering lights. I don’t think I ever have before. It was surreal how real it was. My job isn’t to know what happened, only what didn’t. They didn’t make it home, they didn’t get another routine day to labor through, and they might have never gotten to know a love that would redefine their life. I got to live despite trying to take my life, and they got to die without wanting to. Life is fickle, we are so easily broken in heart, mind, and body. Sometimes questions are better left as just that. For the questions we will be asked in return could be to much to burden ourselves, and we might be forced to rely on Christ to carry the answers for/with us.

Tonight I saw two people laying lifeless on the highway, and it was one of the most humbling sights upon which these eyes have gazed.

Let Christ bless you,
~paul

UPDATE: LINK FIXED: Woke up this morning and saw this in the newspaper. It’s kind of creepy how close I was…