I Sometimes Wonder/Relationships

It isn’t often that you’ll hear paul get nostalgic, or catch me reminiscing of the past but I’m in that mood so here ya go.

I never thought of what college would be like, I never in my wildest dreams thought that my film mentor John Koskinen would have past away last year, that I would have starting Cow Tipping Productions and MidwestSkier only to resign all positions except acting president over operations (which are none at the moment), that my milk and cookie addition would have transcended time all the way to while I’m writing this, that the jokes of a couple guys at a boy scout camporee would be coming true (a nick name so innocent as ‘Pastor Paul’ since I made one of them pray before we ate), that my life would have been given to ministry, that I would actually know what it meant to be lost for myself. That right now I don’t know whats happening tomorrow and that’s cool with me.

I never thought I would have attempted suicide twice, or that I was even depressed and that the Lord would pull me through it to the point that he has, that I wouldn’t need medication and would be cured by Gods hand, that I would meet so many amazing people who I could never comprehend the blessing that they’ve been to me, that I would have grown my hair out so long, that my parents would have let me, that I would feel so empowered by the Holy Spirit, that I would constantly be seeking the Lord in prayer, that I would actually desire to loose everything I’ve ever had, that I’d study art at school in Wisconsin and then a year later switch to service management.

If you would have told me half of this I never would have believed it, the people I’ve fallen for, the smile on my face, the brokenness I desire, the saunter to my pace, the way I love others, the way I love myself, the closeness of my good friends and their sheer number, the blessings I’ve been given, the school I’m at, the importance I place in Christ, the roomie I have, the attitude I have towards life, the way I see the world, the support I have for what I’m doing, the relationship I have with my parents, the closeness I have with my brothers now, how different I would be…

On another note, just something from a conversation I had a couple days ago with a friend of mine about relationships.

I trust that the Lord has someone out there for me. I wish I knew who she was, maybe I do (oh how I pray that I do), or maybe I’ll meet her tomorrow. That trust is still there that He has someone waiting for me. My prayers are that I will be continually refined by Christ so that I will be ready for her, and that I’ll be the man of God she’ll need. I’m praying that she’ll be the women of God that I’ll need to help get through the trials in my life. In the end, when I finally meet her, I want her to be just as taken back by me as I know I’ll be of her. Not by anything she can see, but by the work that God has been performing inside me. That the more I get to know her the more thankful I get for what the Lord is doing in her life, and ours.

dreaming of tomorrow with the Lord (because it’s so close),
~paul