One Final Hug

Sorry I know this one isn’t a poem of mine, but it’s a post none the less.

Tonight was some time in the making I gather. Stacey came over after spending the evening with her mom and we had some time to talk. I finally told her a bunch of things I had been waiting to say to her, I wish I could put this better into words than I am. The only problem with me telling her tonight was that it was the last night. I knew it was coming, I could feel her slowly pulling herself away to make it easier and I just kept on keeping on holding onto the fading hope that I had. I guess there still is some, but I am past the point of pulling on it, if it is meant to be it will return on it’s own and we both will know it.

I’ve been thinking about why I told her everything that I did, I guess it is so that I can move on without guilt and less regrets, if we do end up getting closer again because I finally told her some things that’s cool and I’ll have to see how I feel about it at that time. I wish I could describe how I feel better; it’s partly shock (even though I knew it was going to happen), disbelief, confusion, sadness, expectation (not sure how it fits in but I can feel it, maybe for what’s to happen next), relief (she’s finally told me how she feels about certain things), happy (I know it doesn’t fit but for the second time tonight I felt her care for me as she wiped a tear from my face, kind of ironic isn’t it), and I’m trying to process everything.

I am disappointed that I won’t have someone to do certain things with, someone to go on day trips with, someone to see movies with, someone to surprise (although I didn’t as much as I wanted to), and someone to care about like I did with her. At this point I can sense that I’m ranting on and on. I only have one last thing to say and I hope you got this tonight, I had made a connection and maybe I shed some light on the extent of it before we parted ways. I look forward to hearing from you sweetie.

Take Care and God Bless,
~paul