Past Relations..

What has been going on in my life? This week has been quite the week, compared to weeks of late. Ned and me had been growing distant because we more or less stopped talking when we were in our room, and we’ve been talking more again and I feel like were becoming better friends again. It was really nice to be able to sit and talk on the ride back to school, just about life/love/trials and the $6.99 Quick Trip all you can eat buffet… very questionable.

I also going to be the co-leader for the mens bible study in HKMC next semester, very excited about that. I had quite the hunch last winter when we started up our study back home that it would eventually lead to me leading/co-leading one here. I’m really humbled that they asked me to help out like that.

Highline is also being a little weird, I’m getting mixed singles from them ATM and am going to send my resume into them tomorrow, most likely. I had prayed that if God had wanted me to do mission work next summer that he would close they opportunity in Vail, so we’ll see what ends up happening.

Onward to the post I want to write.
Tonight has been a little weird, I had been trying to find something to sit down and contemplate for a while and everything I could come up with was a two second idea, in and out. Then I was reading through my friends online journals and noticed that Katie was looking for someone to critique an essay she was going to turn in. I read it over and it really got me thinking, wondering what impact the people I’ve dated or become close with have had on me. Pondering if I had truly hurt some people without intention or, worse, even noticing.

It’s always nice to get notes from people who I have dated or been really close with and to find out that I actually left an impression on them and wasn’t the heartless wrench I thought myself out to be. It might have been that I read a lengthy essay of Katie’s tonight that I remembered something she had written about me,
“dear paul you were my first minnesotan and dance-pickup and writer of love letters and poetry i believed every word and although we knew each other for such a short time you had a big impact on my life your work inspires me or the fact that you can do so much and i wish life or you had treated you better so that it wouldn’t seem to sneak up and crack you in the face as it does to me too but don’t allow yourself to throw yourself away because you are worth more than that, believe me”

That coming from someone who I felt like I left on the side of the road and tore up inside, and I know I did Katie. There are other times this has happened, and it just has me wondering if I’m in relationships currently that are helping to form me into the person I envision myself being down the road. I guess that could have some light as to why I can’t seem to understand my attractions as of late, I can’t sort out in my mind where I’m going to be and don’t know who will help me get there. Basically I need to let go of that concern and let God show me where to go with my life and who should be part of it, I just tend to have a problem understand where I’m heading and this is the first time in a few years I’ve been like this.

Here is my plan, I’m gonna try to further myself and my knowledge as much as possible over the next couple years and then see what happens to my future.

Aside: the speaker at cru tonight was really good, and I strongly suggest that everyone find someone they can confide everything to. Will write more about that later I’m sure

Take Care and God bless,
~paul