This has been an interesting week for me. Im not really sure why it happened this week, or why its happening at all. My mind must just be on overdrive or something similar. (sorry Ill try not to make it too long, its 3am and my mind is running somewhat).
Im talking about something that Ive been struggling with for the past few weeks personally. Ive been blessed beyond anything I could have fathomed when I came here to college and thats hard for me to take. No, Im not saying that I dont think I shouldnt have a good thing happen every now and then. Just what did I do to deserve all this? Im on one of the best floor sets on campus, Ive made amazing friends who would do anything for me and are always there for me, have an amazing class load and really enjoy all my classes (minus computer programming), ned is a better friend then ever, and then there is laura who I cant say enough about. Maybe its just because Im to a new location, new people, finally on my own?, but I havent had a day when Ive not wanted to get up. Even this morning when I was up until 4:45 working on fundamentals of Design to wake up four hours later to take an art survey in class writing exam.
Ok so maybe this isnt making a ton of sense. Im just having a hard time grasping why so much good stuff is happening to me. I dont see any reason for it to happen. Ive talked to some people about this and theyve all told me that I either deserve it to happen or that I should just enjoy it. Why though, why is everything going so well? I know this is a really stupid thing to be complaining about but I cant seem to understand. Ive prayed that God would at least show me why hes been so generous towards me but Ive yet to see it. So I just keep waiting for something bad to happen so that Im ready when it does. Earlier tonight (or is it this morning?) I was sure something was up with Laura and me but when I asked her she told me everything was going well, for some reason I didnt believe her. Maybe because it wasnt what I wanted to hear, later I asked her again and she told me she answered me and then it hit me, Im still waiting for something to happen. Its to the point where it is wearing me out to an extent. I want so bad to just let go and live this blessed life Gods graced me with. So tomorrow when I wake up for drawing I will try that.
Take Care everyone and God bless,
sorry for the lack of posts this week, been busy